Why You Should Leave Work on Time Today

I know people who are addicted to anxiety who work themselves into a frenzy- and not just because I'm a psychologist. You probably know people like this, too. They are chronic multi-taskers, over-committers, Blackberry-reading, Energizer bunny types who work long hours. While they may be exciting to work with, they are also easily agitated and prone to meltdowns. Recently I was interviewed for a Channel CW33 TV segment on anxiety addiction. Click here to watch it.

Like any addiction, the anxiety/frenzied addicted person feels they "need" to feel anxious and busy even though they don't "like" the feeling. If you recognize this in yourself or you know someone who is like this, you will especially like this newsletter because it will help you become more effective. Believe me when I say that people in the Smart Zone are able to manage their emotions and leave work on time.

Keep in mind these Smart Moves to help you be more effective and leave work on time today:

Are you tired by 3:00 in the afternoon? Eat a late afternoon snack that is low fat and high in protein like nuts, yogurt or a small tuna sandwich. A high protein snack stimulates the brain's neurotransmitters that promote energy and alertness.

Are you just waking up by 3:00 in the afternoon? Eat a late afternoon snack that is high in carbs but low in fat and protein - like a granola bar, fresh fruit or a bagel. This type of snack jump-starts the amino acid in the brain that promotes a relaxation response.

Master the ability to end conversations that are not productive: If your day includes having people come by your office to shoot the bull and at the end of the day you wonder where the time went, learn to monitor your downtime at work. When you have to make a phone call to someone who could keep you on the phone too long, say up front, "I only have a minute but I wanted to get back to you before this afternoon." That sets the expectation that the call will be short.

Devote Your Energy to the Task at Hand:  Make a point of focusing on one thing at a time. Multi-tasking moves us out of the flow. Don't have an important conversation with a coworker while making copies at the copy machine. Put away your Blackberry while working on a task. Turn the volume down on your computer so you don't hear your emails pinging. Immerse yourself in whatever you are doing.

Look at but don't answer email in the morning:  I can easily use up a lot of time and energy early in the morning by getting lost in my email without realizing that I'm negatively setting the pace of the day. Review emails in the morning but get in the habit of setting aside a dedicated block of time to respond. Stick to the schedule and you will avoid getting lost in email adventures that misuse your energy and attention.

Just for fun, watch this short video on why you should leave work on time today.

Are You Working in the Smart Zone?

I was in Las Vegas last week and am about to break the "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" pact.  My time on The Morning Blend TV show talking with Dao and Shawn was so much fun!  Thought you might enjoy the clip and get a kick out of how I "improvised" with my Bucket Theory of Stress.  You'll see it about 2/3 of the way through the segment.

Are You Worried about Things You Can't Control?

I recently took an informal survey on my Facebook Page and asked what one thing causes my friends the most stress. Guess what the most the most common response was? "Things I can't control."

As I am still recovering from gall bladder surgery and trying to get back to a regular schedule, I'm reminded of what I can't control. A gall bladder attack and subsequent surgery to remove it a few days later was not on my agenda for the month. Worrying about my situation wouldn't have done me any good - but I still managed to worry about all the appointments I would need to reschedule and how I would juggle with kids while I was recovering.

The Swedish proverb is true that worry gives a small thing a big shadow. If you saw me on FOX 4 Good Day last year then you heard me say that "worry is the misuse of imagination." Click here to watch my interview on FOX.

Anxiety is a significant problem for 13% of adults in any given year. Most people tend to act fine, even though they don't "feel" fine, contributing even more to feelings of worry.

Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time. 40% of people report worrying more now than they did 5 years ago. Most of the time it is for general life events like a final exam (click here for our tips on handling test anxiety), finances after losing a job, a job interview or a teenage child who is 10 minutes late past curfew. When unrealistic, persistent anxiety is a part of everyday life, then it is possible that generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) may be present. GAD affects 3-4% of the population and can be treated with psychotherapy.

Use these Smart Moves to handle things you can't control:

• Know the difference between good and bad worry. If you live in a high crime area it's good to worry about being out alone at night. Living in fear that someone with a rare disease will breathe or cough in your face is an unrealistic worry.
  
• Focus on what you can control like how many times you smile today, how honest you are, the amount of effort you put into your work, how well you listen, etc. This is an interesting list of 50 things you can control right now. Remember this the next time you are at the airport and your flight is delayed! You can control how you react to this situation.
  
• Avoid what-iffing about situations. Stay in the here-and-now.
  Ask yourself, "Is there evidence that I need to worry?" Ask yourself: "Am I trying to control things out of my control?" "On my deathbed will I be glad I worried about this?" "Will this matter to me next year, next month or next week?"


• Use worry to your advantage. If you've been goofing off and not preparing well for an upcoming project then worry can help you spring into action. But don't let worry be a substitute for taking action.
  
• Seek treatment from a professional. Treatment doesn't always mean medication is necessary. If there are significant physiological symptoms and impairment in daily functioning, medication prescribed by a physician with specialized knowledge in the treatment of anxiety can give greater relief quicker than when medication is not used. More importantly, medication can provide the kind of relief and stabilize the anxiety so other forms of treatment are effective long-term. Click here to read my blog post on how to find a good psychologist or psychiatrist and also my handout on how to find a therapist outside of the Dallas/Fort Worth area.

Most anxiety is obsessive and repetitive. Telling someone not to worry further encourages that person to keep the worry to him or herself. It's important to learn how to extinguish the anxiety so daily satisfaction can be increased and you can stay in the Smart Zone.

By the way, I'd love for you to join my Facebook Fan Page or follow me on Twitter!

How to Empty Your Bucket & Handle Stress

I actually felt sorry for the person in the waiting room with me at the Veterinarian's office last week. She was so impatient and I could tell her blood was boiling. The Vet was behind in his schedule and there were a lot of people and their pets piling up in the waiting room. She kept sighing loudly for all of us to hear, mumbling under her breath and getting impatient with her dog. She was causing a small spectacle and the psychologist in me wanted to talk her through it. I know even our Golden Retriever Sophie could feel that this lady was a bit uptight. She may have been having pre-summer burnout which I talked about in this FOX 4 TV segment last week. Click here to watch it.

We all have days when our tolerance level is lower and we feel stress sooner. For this woman, it wasn't about the Vet being slow or the waiting room being too full. It was about the other stressors in her life. She was having what I call an "exaggerated response" to waiting for her turn.

I believe everyone has a bucket inside of them. When something causes stress, frustrates you, makes you angry or requires a lot of attention and energy the bucket starts to fill. When your bucket fills completely you will have an exaggerated response causing you to overreact to the simplest of stressors. Some people call it "wigging out," "losing it," and "going postal." You may be getting a 10 minute oil change and it takes longer than 10 minutes and you "lose it" when normally this delay wouldn't be a big deal. Click here to watch my video explanation of your bucket.

A few things that tend to fill my bucket are: new technology in my business (I recently converted to a Mac), packing for a vacation with my 3 boys and folding laundry.

Things that can fill your bucket are:

• A sick child
• Remodeling your home
• A work deadline
• Trying to lose weight
• A long commute to work
• Difficult spouse
• Difficult coworkers or boss
• Financial stress
• Job loss (click here for tips on how to keep a job loss from hurting your marriage)
• Sibling rivalry
• Learning a new skill
• Going back to school

Ways to empty your bucket are:

• Getting enough sleep
• Exercise
• Spending quality time with friends
• Spending quality time with family
• Church involvement
• Volunteering in the community
• Hobbies
• Reading
• Staying organized
• Meditation

Be careful not to choose ways to empty your bucket with activities that cause it to fill back up and cause even more stress. Sarah Ferguson just attempted to empty her bucket in a way that caused it to refill. Some poor choices for emptying your bucket are:

• Marital affair
• Alcohol abuse
• Substance abuse (illegal and prescription)
• Smoking
• Gambling
• Gossip
• Overeating
• Antisocial activities like stealing, lying, behaving impulsively
• Withdrawing from social activities and groups
• Borrowing money and not repaying it

To stay in the Smart Zone, anticipate what will fill your bucket so you can get ahead of it. I build in training time when I add new technology to my business to help minimize my stress. When traveling I build in an extra day to pack to avoid being up until 2:00 a.m. the night before. And when you feel an exaggerated response coming on instead of saying, "I'm so stressed out. I can't handle this," say, "I need to find a way to empty my bucket." I know that everyone in your life, including your pets, will appreciate it.

Stress and Taxes: How to Make April 15th Less Stressful

I recently finished my 2009 taxes and celebrated with friends by going to the Taylor Swift concert in Dallas. I know I'm not the typical demographic she appeals to - believe me, there were plenty of screaming teens there to remind me. But it was fun to blow off some steam and laugh with friends after finishing my taxes. Whew!

The American Psychological Association reports that 75% of Americans cite money as a significant point of stress. Tax time increases our focus on money and consequently, increases our stress. If your family has experienced unemployment recently then you are experiencing even more stress. Click here to read what I have to say about your spouse losing a job in eFinancialCareers.


To stay in the Smart Zone this tax season use these 9 Smart Moves to avoid stress and sustain your sanity during tax time.

1. Don't avoid it. Paying your taxes isn't something most people enjoy - but let's face it - it's unavoidable. Avoiding it and procrastinating will only magnify your stress and cost you more in the long run with penalties.
2. Avoid the "money fight" with your spouse. In many relationships there is a "saver" and a "spender." For couples who fight over money tax time raises the importance of money and fights can escalate. Money fights may really be rooted in the fight for power. In the long term, it's important to determine the true source of your money fights - you may need the help of a financial counselor or therapist. A job loss can make things worse (click here to watch my TV appearance on FOX where I discuss this).
3. Don't take it out on your accountant or the UPS guy. Have you ever seen someone losing it because the UPS guy didn't bring what they were expecting? Your body doesn't know the difference between work stress, home stress and personal stress. When we have too much stress our hormones kick in causing a small hassle to suddenly become huge - and we have an "exaggerated response" (which some call "freaking out, going ballistic, losing it"). Your tax responsibility is not your accountant's fault - he/she is only the messenger. Learn to recognize when your stress level is getting high and eliminate it by reading a book, exercising, surfing the internet, getting organized or eating lunch with a friend.
4. Use this time to commit to keeping better financial records. I tell people that the way we think affects the way we act affects the way we feel. You can think yourself into feeling defeated. So choose instead to think yourself into moving forward, managing your money and keeping good records in the future. Don't wait until you feel a certain way to act a certain way. Make it happen now.
5. Keep it simple. Take baby steps. If your tax situation is complicated break it down into small steps and do a little each night or over a few weeks. Don't cram it all into 2 days.
6. Have some fun. Put on some relaxing music, sit outside or light some candles. You don't have to be holed up in a dungeon with a scowl on your face to do your taxes. However, I would recommend waiting on a glass of wine until after you've finished.
7. Expect things to work out well. Did you know that worrying about failing increases the likelihood of failure? Worrying about making a mistake or not doing your taxes correctly will only make things worse.
8. Reward yourself when the taxes are complete. Go out to eat, see a funny movie, get ice cream or take a long walk with the dog. Take a break from email, news coverage and gossip to put yourself in a positive mood and to feel like you are moving forward with an optimistic attitude.
9. Hire a pro. If your tax situation is complicated by all means hire someone to help you. This will cost you less in the long run and minimize your stress.
   

SUCCESS Magazine Article, "How to Get More Done"

When Sandra Bienkowski, Editor for SUCCESS Magazine, called me a few weeks ago and asked me how to get more done while keeping stress in check I was excited to share my tips with her.

Click here to read my tips in her article in the upcoming November issue.

I enjoy reading SUCCESS Magazine because it is full of the kind of information that High Achievers want to know. The articles always provide a unique window into the lives, practices and philosophies of today’s greatest achievers—top CEOs, revolutionary entrepreneurs and other extraordinary leaders. One article I really enjoyed recently was about Craig Newmark - the Craig of Craigslist.org. Craig's business model is that they can do good in business by doing good for people. He is definitely in the Smart Zone!

Go out and grab the November issue of SUCCESS Magazine if you have a chance!

How to Leave Stress at the Office

I find it hard to leave stress at the office. Sometimes it's because I can identify with issues my patients are experiencing and empathize so much with their struggles. Recently I've been stressed over the fact that my great administrative assistant, Kathy, is moving with her family to Nashville. I know I can overcome how stressed I feel because I know: when we bring stress home we tell our friends and family that their time isn't as valuable.

M. Scott Peck said, "Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." I challenge you (and myself!) to value your time at work and at home and to stay in the Smart Zone.



One thing I hear when working with managers and executives who work long hours is that, at the end of the day, it is difficult to shake the feeling of being at work. Even when they get home they don't feel "at home." They feel disconnected and preoccupied with what took place during the workday or are anticipating the problems of the next day.

Part of the issue is that the intensity during our workday is different than the intensity of our home lives. Although our home and work life both take considerable mental and physical energy we still have to shift gears when we walk in the door at home.

In my business we provide strategies to stay in the Smart Zone that will improve productivity at home and work. But don't do this! Here are Smart Moves for leaving stress at the office:

• Do you leave work and then use that same part of your brain at home? When I work on my financials at the office and then come home and work on bills, my brain is going to get overwhelmed. I've recently started taking serious Yoga classes near my home so I can balance how I use my body and my brain. As my instructor Carlos says, "Bring peace and calm into your world."


• Are you finally energized by 3:00 in the afternoon? Eat a late afternoon snack that is high in carbs but low in fat and protein - like a granola bar, fresh fruit or a bagel. This type of snack jump-starts the amino acid in the brain that promotes a relaxation response.


• Do you immerse yourself in work related content 24/7? What is by your bedside? Business books, financials, proposals? I have taken a sabbatical from business books to read bestsellers so I am exposing myself to more than just business and psychological literature. Right now, want to know what is by my bedside? The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb. All 723 pages. I will be sorry when I finish it because it is such a great book.


• Set aside 10 minutes after lunch to return personal phone calls. This will eliminate your need to talk on your cell phone on the drive home at the end of the day. Instead you can listen to good music or an audio book. Click here for ways to maximize your lunch break.


• Carve out transition time. Devote the final hours of your workday to some of your least-pressured tasks. I like listening to music on Grooveshark and doing paperwork. Thanks to my buddy Rex, I've now got speakers mounted on the inside of my desk so I can really enjoy my end of the day paperwork. You will feel a sense of accomplishment by completing at least one thing before day end.


• Don't talk about work when you first get home. When you walk in the door at home resist the urge to immediately start talking about your day. Cooper and Sawaf, authors of Executive EQ, call this a "transitional buffer zone." This is time to renew your spirit of being home. Don't run to your computer to return emails. You might first greet your family, get your children a snack and change into some comfy clothes.

Worry is the Misuse of Imagination

I think the Swedish proverb is true that worry gives a small thing a big shadow. If you caught the Fox 4 Good Day program last week you saw me say, "Worry is the misuse of imagination." Click below to see my interview on FOX.

Most anxiety is obsessive and repetitive. Telling someone not to worry further encourages that person to keep the worry to him or herself. It's important to learn how to extinguish the anxiety so daily satisfaction can be increased.

Use these Smart Moves to minimize chronic worry:

• Know the difference between good and bad worry. If you live in a high crime area it's good to worry about being out alone at night. Living in fear that someone with a rare disease will breathe or cough in your face is unrealistic worry.
• Set up a "scheduled worry" period. Instead of giving your worries full attention whenever they hit your mind, set up a 15-20 minute period where you can give your worries full attention. Then, defer worrying until the scheduled times.
• Avoid what-iffing about situations. Stay in the here-and-now.
• Is there evidence? Ask yourself: "Am I trying to control things out of my control?" "On my deathbed will I be glad I worried about this?" "Will this matter to me next year, next month or next week?"
• Use worry to your advantage. If you've been goofing off and not preparing well for an upcoming project then worry can help you spring into action. But don't let worry be a substitute for taking action.
• Seek treatment from a professional. Treatment doesn't always mean medication is necessary. If there are significant physiological symptoms and impairment in daily functioning, medication prescribed by a physician with specialized knowledge in the treatment of anxiety can give greater relief quicker than when medication is not used. More importantly, medication can provide the kind of relief and stabilize the anxiety so other forms of treatment are effective long-term. Click here to read my blog posting on how to find a good psychologist or psychiatrist.

The Explanation of Addiction

In the corporate world and in our our clinical practice, we find ourselves being told that someone has an "addictive personality". I know it is true and we can spot it as we get to know the players. What we find is that people don't always know what they mean when they say "Addiction" and they use the term loosely even when someone, in my opinion, is just "spirited."

Addiction is often brought on by stress in those people who have a genetic defect in a defined area of the brain. Addictions include drugs, alcohol, sex, food, gambling and/or spending. A typical hallmark symptom is a loss of control, craving and persistent abuse in spite of negative consequences. These consequences can include marital conflict, missing work, poor performance reviews, DWIs, and other legal snarl es. According to Dr. Kevin McCauley from the Institute for Addiction Study, "Addiction meets the standard definition of disease even better than MS and Schizophrenia."

It is not negotiable that people with true addictions learn to manage stress better. In the Smart Zone we talk about making sure you know how to empty your bucket when it gets full. More importantly, we all need to know when our buckets are getting full - when the stress is piling on. For those with addictions, it is mandatory that they be better bucket emptiers. Many people loose the ability to manage their emotions so it is also important that they increase their emotional intelligence so they are more emotionally in sync with themselves.

People who are addicted to whatever can't get by with blaming their addiction on a brain malformation or their genetic history in my opinion. We all now know that addictions can be managed with the proper support and tools to overcome the tendency.

This blog submission is being written with one person in particular in mind. It is for the wife of one of the executives we have worked with in a business outside of Texas. It is to help support the family who is working hard to deal with this thing called addiction that is a source of destruction for a husband, father, son and boss. But I believe that this information can help anyone who suspects that someone they care about, work with, or live with. Even people with addiction can work in the Smart Zone. It is just even more important that they recognize what they need to do for their sake as well as the sake of others.