The need to float at The Float Spot

This past week has been an unusual week.  With the chatter related to the FOX 4 story (see my previous post) and the passing of Whitney Houston, I can't help but put things in perspective.  I know I believe in parents needing to follow through with what they threaten for discipline.  I know that I'm excited to get my concealed handgun license in the next month (there have been rumors than I am anti-gun).  I know that the microphone was attached when we started the live interview Friday night on FOX 4 (It quickly feel down my shirt and had to be reattached by 3 people when I was off camera).  Crazy week.

So how would I end the week to follow my own advice to empty my bucket before it gets full?  I went to a place called The Float Spot, http://www.thefloatspot.com/.  I got in a tank and had an hour to float.  It was perfect to clear my head.  It felt like I got a good night's rest.  I'm going to do it again.

With a week like last week, I needed to float....if only to get an hour without chatter.

Are You Worried about Things You Can't Control?

I recently took an informal survey on my Facebook Page and asked what one thing causes my friends the most stress. Guess what the most the most common response was? "Things I can't control."

As I am still recovering from gall bladder surgery and trying to get back to a regular schedule, I'm reminded of what I can't control. A gall bladder attack and subsequent surgery to remove it a few days later was not on my agenda for the month. Worrying about my situation wouldn't have done me any good - but I still managed to worry about all the appointments I would need to reschedule and how I would juggle with kids while I was recovering.

The Swedish proverb is true that worry gives a small thing a big shadow. If you saw me on FOX 4 Good Day last year then you heard me say that "worry is the misuse of imagination." Click here to watch my interview on FOX.

Anxiety is a significant problem for 13% of adults in any given year. Most people tend to act fine, even though they don't "feel" fine, contributing even more to feelings of worry.

Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time. 40% of people report worrying more now than they did 5 years ago. Most of the time it is for general life events like a final exam (click here for our tips on handling test anxiety), finances after losing a job, a job interview or a teenage child who is 10 minutes late past curfew. When unrealistic, persistent anxiety is a part of everyday life, then it is possible that generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) may be present. GAD affects 3-4% of the population and can be treated with psychotherapy.

Use these Smart Moves to handle things you can't control:

• Know the difference between good and bad worry. If you live in a high crime area it's good to worry about being out alone at night. Living in fear that someone with a rare disease will breathe or cough in your face is an unrealistic worry.
  
• Focus on what you can control like how many times you smile today, how honest you are, the amount of effort you put into your work, how well you listen, etc. This is an interesting list of 50 things you can control right now. Remember this the next time you are at the airport and your flight is delayed! You can control how you react to this situation.
  
• Avoid what-iffing about situations. Stay in the here-and-now.
  Ask yourself, "Is there evidence that I need to worry?" Ask yourself: "Am I trying to control things out of my control?" "On my deathbed will I be glad I worried about this?" "Will this matter to me next year, next month or next week?"


• Use worry to your advantage. If you've been goofing off and not preparing well for an upcoming project then worry can help you spring into action. But don't let worry be a substitute for taking action.
  
• Seek treatment from a professional. Treatment doesn't always mean medication is necessary. If there are significant physiological symptoms and impairment in daily functioning, medication prescribed by a physician with specialized knowledge in the treatment of anxiety can give greater relief quicker than when medication is not used. More importantly, medication can provide the kind of relief and stabilize the anxiety so other forms of treatment are effective long-term. Click here to read my blog post on how to find a good psychologist or psychiatrist and also my handout on how to find a therapist outside of the Dallas/Fort Worth area.

Most anxiety is obsessive and repetitive. Telling someone not to worry further encourages that person to keep the worry to him or herself. It's important to learn how to extinguish the anxiety so daily satisfaction can be increased and you can stay in the Smart Zone.

By the way, I'd love for you to join my Facebook Fan Page or follow me on Twitter!

A Secret Worth Knowing - Shhhhhhh!

My Director of Client Relations, Zan, jokes that the fastest way to spread news during the time she worked for a Fortune 30 Company was to tell 1 person a secret and ask them not to tell anyone. Within 2 days she knew the entire sales and field work force would know the "secret" information. As a psychologist I hear secrets and private information daily. Many times when I'm told a secret it's the first time that person has revealed it to anyone.

Knowing how to use secrets in a productive manner will empower you to Stay in the Smart Zone.


I was intrigued when I recently saw Frank Warren, author of 5 books reporting the secrets of others, on the Today Show. For several years people have posted their secrets on his website or mailed in their secrets to him on a postcard. In this Today Show interview he said, "I think that in my own life, I was struggling with secrets from my childhood. And so in one sense, this was a way for me to reconcile with parts of my past that I'd been struggling with." He also went on to say that the act of writing down one's secrets can be a freeing experience.

The notion of secrets is a component of our society. Secrets can be serious and harmful and I DO NOT take this subject lightly. Secrets about abuse, addiction, neglect and dishonesty can define people and their outlook on the world.

Use these Smart Moves when you have a secret:

• Secrets can bring happiness. Think of a surprise party your friends are planning or a gift someone is about to receive. Maybe a friend is expecting a baby and waiting for the right moment to tell the news. Most people would agree, these are secrets you should keep. Click here to read about business secrets worth keeping.


• Secrets give you perceived power over someone else. "I know something you don't know - nana nana boo boo." This may sound like elementary school but grown ups do this, too. Think about it. Even at work knowing secrets can give you an edge over your coworkers or competitors. This type of power can be dangerous and even illegal. Proceed with caution.


• Secrets give you Brownie points. Telling secrets can elevate your status with other friends. Think about how you feel when someone reveals a secret to you. Letting others in on your secret gives them a stronger connection with you and vise versa.


• Secrets can cause anxiety. Keeping secrets often prevents people from dealing with the problem at hand. According to Timothy Cole, Ph.D. keeping secrets leads to increased stress, anxiety, and it often makes people think about the issue more frequently. He also says, "Revealing secrets is very helpful when it is done right; that is, in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Revealing secrets can reduce stress, it helps people let go of an issue and think about it more clearly."


• Confidence in your confidant. We tell secrets because we trust others not to reveal them. Remember Deep Throat in the Watergate scandal? In reality, people are pretty likely to tell your secret - even if it's just to their spouse or best friend. It's human nature. Have confidence in the person you confide to.


• Know the Smart Zone Secret. If you have attended my presentations you know that I end all of them with the Smart Zone Secret which is to take the focus off yourself. Watch this video of me revealing the Smart Zone Secret. Now that is a secret worth telling!