What Not to Put in an Email or Social Media

I email A LOT and so I realize how easy it is to put things in writing that you should really say in person. A few weeks ago I blogged about how Facebook can make you sick and how it's important to communicate face-to-face with people.

Recently a reporter from the Los Angeles Times interviewed me about sharing bad news electronically. Specifically news about one's health. Many of you may be familiar with Caring Bridge which is a free blog service offered to people facing serious illness. It allows families to share health updates and needs with people authorized to receive the updates. I recently followed one of my friends through her Cancer treatments by reading her Caring Bridge updates.

Proceed with caution when communicating certain information using online forums and email. Use these Smart Moves when emailing, Facebooking, Twittering or blogging to keep you in the Smart Zone:

• You can't hear your tone of voice in an email. I've received emails where I thought the person was mad at me to later find out that wasn't the case at all. Words are only 7% of communication with your voice inflection and body language making up the remaining 93%. Keep in mind that emails can be misinterpreted because words are only a small part of communication.
• You can't take back what you put in writing. Once it hits Facebook or Twitter it becomes part of a permanent history. Unless you are tech savvy and know how to retract an email, which normally doesn't work, once you send one it's a done deal. Better yet, avoid the "Reply All" option. I've heard tons of "Reply All" horror stories.
• "I could get into trouble by telling you this," is one of the 10 things you should never say in an email according to Roger Matus' Death by Email blog. Click here for the 10 Things Never to Put in an Email.
• Use airport caution. Anything you could get into trouble saying at the airport - like "I feel like blowing this place up" - you shouldn't say via online forums. Any teasing that could be interpreted as potential terrorism should be off limits.
• TMI "Too Much Information." Emails or Facebook updates like, "I've been throwing up all night" or "I'm worried about so-in-so's marriage" fall into this category. Also, be weary of emailing about other people's health. Information about another person's medical issues, medication and treatments should be confidential. You can share medical information about yourself but it's inappropriate to share it about others.
• Condolences should be communicated by phone, handwritten note or in person.
• Resist the urge to be cyberdaring. Most people are cyberdaring. Haven't we all emailed a message that we would be too timid to say in person? With social media and emails we become reckless with our comments. I've even witnessed couples having arguments through their Facebook comments. And I've worked with people who have been fired for information they sent by email.

Remember that your relationships, personal and professional, are worth the little extra it would take to personally communicate. That will keep you in the Smart Zone.

Workplace Bullying: What You Need to Know

Even as a psychologist who has heard it all in 20 years practicing, there are times when I hear things that really, really bother me. If you live in the Dallas area you may have heard the tragic story of 9 year old Montana Lance who committed suicide at his elementary school in January as a result of bullying. Last week I was invited to the FOX 4 TV Studios to be the online chat expert for viewers regarding this incident. (Click here to watch). Viewers were able to chat live with me online after watching a segment with Montana's parents who are taking a stand to raise awareness and promote Anti-Bullying day.

When we hear of bullying we tend to think of children at school. But it's no less common in the workplace and a topic worthy of much more discussion. A recent study reported 1 in 6 U.S. employees have experienced workplace bullying. Understand the signs and symptoms of workplace bullying to keep your organization in the Smart Zone.

Workplace bullying is defined as repeated, unreasonable actions of individuals (or a group) directed towards an employee (or group of employees) which is intended to intimidate and create a risk to the health and safety of the employee(s).

Factors that increase the risk of bullying are:

• Significant organizational change
• Worker characteristics such as generational/life stage differences
• Staff shortages
• Role ambiguity
• High rate of work intensity

I bet several of these risk factors sound familiar - especially in today's work environment. Bullies do not run good organizations. Workplace bullying leads to high staff turnover and sick leave and low morale and productivity. A bullied environment keeps employees from doing their best work and breaks down trust within the organization. Just for fun, watch this clip in The Devil Wears Prada to see a bully in action.

Here are 2 informative articles from BNET regarding workplace bullying:

Nipping Workplace Bullying in the Bud

Understanding the Characteristics of Workplace Bullying

Stress and Taxes: How to Make April 15th Less Stressful

I recently finished my 2009 taxes and celebrated with friends by going to the Taylor Swift concert in Dallas. I know I'm not the typical demographic she appeals to - believe me, there were plenty of screaming teens there to remind me. But it was fun to blow off some steam and laugh with friends after finishing my taxes. Whew!

The American Psychological Association reports that 75% of Americans cite money as a significant point of stress. Tax time increases our focus on money and consequently, increases our stress. If your family has experienced unemployment recently then you are experiencing even more stress. Click here to read what I have to say about your spouse losing a job in eFinancialCareers.


To stay in the Smart Zone this tax season use these 9 Smart Moves to avoid stress and sustain your sanity during tax time.

1. Don't avoid it. Paying your taxes isn't something most people enjoy - but let's face it - it's unavoidable. Avoiding it and procrastinating will only magnify your stress and cost you more in the long run with penalties.
2. Avoid the "money fight" with your spouse. In many relationships there is a "saver" and a "spender." For couples who fight over money tax time raises the importance of money and fights can escalate. Money fights may really be rooted in the fight for power. In the long term, it's important to determine the true source of your money fights - you may need the help of a financial counselor or therapist. A job loss can make things worse (click here to watch my TV appearance on FOX where I discuss this).
3. Don't take it out on your accountant or the UPS guy. Have you ever seen someone losing it because the UPS guy didn't bring what they were expecting? Your body doesn't know the difference between work stress, home stress and personal stress. When we have too much stress our hormones kick in causing a small hassle to suddenly become huge - and we have an "exaggerated response" (which some call "freaking out, going ballistic, losing it"). Your tax responsibility is not your accountant's fault - he/she is only the messenger. Learn to recognize when your stress level is getting high and eliminate it by reading a book, exercising, surfing the internet, getting organized or eating lunch with a friend.
4. Use this time to commit to keeping better financial records. I tell people that the way we think affects the way we act affects the way we feel. You can think yourself into feeling defeated. So choose instead to think yourself into moving forward, managing your money and keeping good records in the future. Don't wait until you feel a certain way to act a certain way. Make it happen now.
5. Keep it simple. Take baby steps. If your tax situation is complicated break it down into small steps and do a little each night or over a few weeks. Don't cram it all into 2 days.
6. Have some fun. Put on some relaxing music, sit outside or light some candles. You don't have to be holed up in a dungeon with a scowl on your face to do your taxes. However, I would recommend waiting on a glass of wine until after you've finished.
7. Expect things to work out well. Did you know that worrying about failing increases the likelihood of failure? Worrying about making a mistake or not doing your taxes correctly will only make things worse.
8. Reward yourself when the taxes are complete. Go out to eat, see a funny movie, get ice cream or take a long walk with the dog. Take a break from email, news coverage and gossip to put yourself in a positive mood and to feel like you are moving forward with an optimistic attitude.
9. Hire a pro. If your tax situation is complicated by all means hire someone to help you. This will cost you less in the long run and minimize your stress.
   

Could You Have ADHD?

What do Albert Einstein, Pablo Picasso, John Lennon and Elvis Presley have in common? They all had ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder). I believe ADHD in adults, who don't manage it well, affects our work environment and keeps people out of the Smart Zone.

I am really excited about an innovative test we have available in my office. Recently, my office became the only psychological practice in Texas to offer an objective computer test for ADHD for children, adolescents and adults. Click here to watch a news segment Channel 33 filmed about it in my office here in Plano.

Developed by physicians at Harvard, the Quotient/ADHD™ System is the first test to objectively measure all 3 core symptoms of ADHD. The test takes 15 minutes for kids under 13 or 20 minutes for adolescents and adults. Click here to watch the footage about the test on FOX News Channel.

Approximately 5% of the adult population is estimated to have ADHD. It wasn't long ago that ADHD was seen as a childhood disorder where symptoms were thought to disappear with the onset of puberty. Clear scientific evidence shows that ADHD continues into adulthood. While most adults were diagnosed as children, there are many adults who are undiagnosed.

Symptoms of ADHD that you probably already know are:

• Difficulty concentrating and paying attention to details.
• Trouble sitting still for long periods of time.
• Short fuse.
• Putting things off.
• Tardiness.
• Forgetfulness in daily activities.
• Getting criticized for interrupting people.
• Being disorganized and having a messy car, home or office.
• Starting projects without thinking through the steps.
• Failing to finish tasks.
• Click here for a longer checklist.

Adults with ADHD are more likely to:

• Buy on impulse and have trouble saving money.
• Receive speeding tickets.
• Be involved in car crashes where they are at fault.
• Smoke and/or use drugs.
• Exhibit road rage and aggressive driving when angered.
• Get fired or quit a job out of boredom.
• Be disciplined on the job by a manager or supervisor.
• Have higher marital dissatisfaction although not a higher divorce rate.
  

Let me clear up a few misconceptions about ADHD:

• ADHD does exist and is not a conspiracy by scientists to medicate people. It is a real medical condition that is biologically based.
  
• ADHD is not simply a lack of willpower.
  
• Bad parenting does not cause ADHD. However, studies show a genetic predisposition for ADHD within families.
  
• Adults with ADHD are not stupid or lazy. Recent studies reveal that people with ADHD actually tend to have above average intelligence but it does not show because of the ADHD.
  
• ADHD can be treated without medication. New research indicates that you can improve brain functioning with direct, deliberate practice. This is called neuroplasticity. Relaxation, concentration and other self management exercises can improve the ability to sustain attention in some people.
• Before starting any medication you should be properly diagnosed. Anxiety, depression or learning disabilities can be disguised as ADHD.

To stay in the Smart Zone learn more about ADHD. If you think you might have it, get tested by a qualified professional. It could help you refocus your career and personal life. Click here to read my quotes in a Forbes.com article where I talk about refocusing your career.

All assessments for ADHD should be comprehensive and also assess for emotional factors and the influence of present stressors. Your quality of life, your effectiveness at work and home, and your relationships can benefit from knowing if you truly have the disorder.

Can Facebook Make You Sick?

A controversial study from the Institute of Biology recently reported that social networking sites such as Facebook could raise your risk of cancer, strokes, heart disease and dementia. The reason: "Increased isolation could alter the way genes work and upset immune responses, hormone levels and the function of arteries and impair mental performance." In other words, not being around other people is bad for your health.


Watch my appearance on FOX 4 Good Day last week where I discuss this issue.

The research went on to say that face-to-face conversations have decreased steadily since 1987 and that there is a difference between "real presence" and virtual presence. The study even identified "socially regulated genes" that affect our immune system.

Last year I blogged about how Facebook helps you stay in the Smart Zone. And I still believe it does. I've embraced blogging, Twitter (sort of), YouTube, Facebook and of course, email. Plus, I'm lost without my iPhone.

Just to prove I'm not "down" on Facebook, there are studies that show it increases productivity at work. An Australian study found surfing the internet for fun during office hours actually increased employees productivity. The study from the University of Melbourne says "workplace internet leisure browsing, or WILB, helped to sharpen workers' concentration." It goes on to say that people need to zone out for a bit to rest their mind so they can have a higher concentration level.

But communicating with someone on Facebook does not replace human contact. When you minimize or eliminate contact with people you increase your chances of social isolation, loneliness, a negative outlook and ill health. This is true even for introverted people.

Use these Smart Moves so that Facebook doesn't make you sick:

• Call someone out of the blue. Not by poking them on Facebook or sending them an email. Pick up the phone and call someone - voice to voice.


• Resist the urge to answer your cell phone when you are at lunch with a coworker. The only time I interrupt a conversation to answer my cell phone is if I see the school nurse calling. A fast way to lose connection with someone is to interrupt the conversation with a call from someone else.


• Words are a tiny part of communication. Experts say that 7% of human communication comes from words, while 38% is from a person's tone of the voice and 55% comes from body language. Without face-to-face interaction you are only using 7% of your capacity to communicate.


• Find ways to connect. Find a reason to say thank you, offer sympathy to a bereaved friend, give a birthday wish or congratulate someone. St. Patrick's Day is coming up - use this as your excuse to call someone!


• Acknowledge people by speaking to them when they enter your presence. My Director of Client Relations, Zan Jones, is a stickler about this. It could be because she has had a career in sales and management and knows the importance of relationships. Zan says that she never passes by someone in the hallway without acknowledging them in some way - usually with a smile and a "Hi." Don't miss a day telling your coworkers, "Good morning."


• Serve with someone. One of my favorite ways to connect with people is to volunteer for a project or cause. Volunteer to serve on the board of a nonprofit agency or on a church committee, answer the phones at the hospital or work at the concession stand during your kid's sporting events. By serving in the community you create a personal win-win.

Even the CEO of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, understands the importance of spending personal time with other people. In the March issue of Fast Company, he reveals that during what Facebook called its "Christmas break" he and several Facebook employees went to India for the week long family celebration and wedding of 2 Facebook staffers. Now that's a Smart Move!

By the way, I'd love for you to join my Facebook Fan Page or follow me on Twitter!

What Not to Say at Work

Have you ever watched the TV show, "What Not to Wear?" Many times I laugh out loud at what people wear. It's the same about what not to say at work.

To stay in the Smart Zone, here are 6 things not to say while at work:

1. "I'm bored." The definition of the Smart Zone is that it is where you work to the best of your ability emotionally, behaviorally and intellectually. It is your responsibility to find something to do while you are working on someone else's dime. When I had my first job in high school working for a movie theater my mother told me, "If you have nothing to do, then wipe counters and straighten up the shelves. Don't stand around being bored - find something to do." Take "feeling bored" as the opportunity to learn something new or help someone else with their job.



2. "Why were you late to our meeting?" When you ask a "why" question you force the person to focus on the problem by giving you excuses as to why they were late. People in the Smart Zone are solution-oriented. To focus on the solution ask, "how" and "what" questions. In this case, "How can you make sure you will be on time to our next meeting?" Or, "What can you do so that you will not be late again." By being solution-oriented you help the other person solve their own problem. Watch my YouTube clip on this topic.



3. "I can't help you." This is almost as bad as saying, "That's not my job." People in the Smart Zone are can-do people. Instead of answering a co-worker's question with "I can't help you" say, "What I CAN do is...call tech support and find the answer for you."



4. "That's not my fault." In his book The Speed of Trust, Stephen M.R. Covey states that accountability is one of the 13 Behaviors that significantly earn trust. Make and keep your promises. Even if it really isn't your fault don't waste time figuring out who to blame. Focus on solving the problem. Click here for a funny example of Jerry Seinfeld holding someone accountable for a promise.



5. "Those jeans make you look fat." Duh, I know you wouldn't say this. But haven't we all had to work with a Simon Cowell type? This is a person who gives harsh and unnecessary criticism for the sake of being confrontational. Or possibly for the attention they receive for their audacious statements. People in the Smart Zone are likable and know that crass statements make you unlikable. Click here to read my book synopsis on Why Doesn't Anybody Like Me?



6. "Don't tell anyone." One thing I know for sure is that people will tell secrets. It's human nature. Having secrets at work can cause people to become paranoid and create what I call mental theater. Have you ever thought 2 co-workers were talking about you and so you acted differently around them? Click here to read my blog post on mental theater.

Post comments and tell me other things you should not say at work. I'd love to hear them. And don't worry, I won't ask you how much you weigh!

Book Review & Summary: The Speed of Trust, Reviewed by Zan Jones

A few years ago Susan picked up a book at the airport called The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything by Stephen M. R. Covey. She was so impressed with the content that she got involved with the CoveyLink organization to learn more about how to help organizations build High Trust environments while helping keep them in the Smart Zone.

Susan also asked all of her staff to read the book knowing it would benefit her two companies as well as the people we serve. In the last several years Susan has referred to this book many times in her clinical practice and in her speaking engagements. It had such a profound impact on her that she revamped the Smart Zone model to include Trust as a basis to support staying in the Smart Zone. Because we refer to it on a regular basis we are providing a book summary below.

Covey proves that Trust is not just a social virtue. It is also a measurable economic driver that impacts performance. In other words, Trust will make you money. Not being trusted will cost you money.

Here is the simple formula he uses:

When Trust goes up, speed will go up and costs will go down.

Trust (UP) = Speed (UP) Costs (DOWN)

Conversely,

When Trust goes down, speed will go down and costs will go up.

Trust (DOWN) = Speed (DOWN) Costs (UP)

For example, before 9/11 we could arrive at the airport 30 minutes before take off and breeze through security. But now, since Trust has gone down, we have to arrive at the airport at least 2 hours before take off and pay a 9/11 security tax on every ticket. Covey also points out the Sarbanes-Oxley Act that was implemented in the Low Trust wake of scandals like Enron and WorldCom. In other words, Trust has gone down, speed has gone down and cost has gone up.

Covey cleverly defines what he calls the Trust Tax which is the cost of Low Trust and the Trust Dividend which is a quantifiable reward of High Trust.

High Trust Tax work environments experience:

• Unhappy employees and stakeholders


• Micromanagement and bureaucracy


• CYA behavior and hidden agendas


• Redundant hierarchy

While High Trust Dividend organizations enjoy:

• Good communication


• Few office politics


• Effective collaboration and execution


• Positive partnering


• Strong engagement and innovation

Covey also proves his hypothesis that, "Nothing is as fast as the Speed of Trust," using his 5 Waves of Trust model.

The 5 Waves of Trust are:

1. Self Trust.
   Self Trust pertains to confidence we have in ourselves, how we walk our talk and keep commitments. Here he outlines the 4 Cores of Credibility which are: one's integrity, intent, capabilities and accomplished results. Covey tells a hilarious story of how his dad accidentally left his mother out on the freeway in the middle of the night!


2. Relationship Trust.
   This Wave provides guidance on how to interact with others in a way that increases Trust and avoid interacting in a way that destroys it. It's all about consistent behavior. Covey outlines the 13 Behaviors that are common to High Trust people.


3. Organizational Trust.
   Covey describes Low Trust organizations as being redundant, political, and disengaged with high turnover. High Trust organizations outperform Low Trust organizations by 3 times and have high stakeholder and customer value, accelerated growth, enhanced innovation and loyalty. My favorite example is of the retailer Nordstrom's one rule employee handbook, in an age of hundred page policy manuals, which simply states, "Use good judgment at all times."”


4. Market Trust.
   Here, Covey quotes Oprah Winfrey, "In the end, all you have is your reputation."” My favorite quote, however, is Warren Buffet's words, "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it."”


5. Societal Trust.
   A French proverb states, "Fish discover water last." For fish, water surrounds them and they are so immersed in it that they don't recognize its existence until it becomes polluted. People, in a way, discover Trust last. In society, we depend on Trust and take it for granted until it becomes polluted or destroyed.

Covey brings it all together by showing how to extend "Smart Trust." His Smart Trust matrix includes 4 zones: Blind Trust, Distrust, No Trust and Smart Trust. Leadership is getting results in a way that inspires Trust. Many trusted managers who are competent and credible never make it to leaders because they don't know how to extend "Smart Trust." They may know how to be trusted but not how to extend Trust to others. In order for a leader to inspire Trust he/she must empower individuals to give it their all and create a High Trust environment where everyone works effectively with others.

In the words of Stephen M.R. Covey, "Nothing is as fast as the Speed of Trust!"”