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Guess Who I Saw in the Houston Airport?

Just last week a few of us in the office were talking about what celebrity we would love to meet. I was a "doofus" because I couldn't think of anyone that would be "the" person I would want to run into. I drew a blank and had nothing to offer. I wasn't sure what it meant and I thought nothing more of it.

So last week I was changing planes in the Houston airport on my way back from Beaumont and I'm just sitting there having lunch waiting to board my plane. I like to people watch to pass the time. Then "he" walked in. He's the person I now know is the one celebrity I'd want to meet. And I left the Smart Zone momentarily!

Here's a hint about who it was...


He was sitting by himself less than 10 feet away and he knew I knew who he was. People who know me know that I love the show Survivor. And within my arm's reach was Jeff Probst, the host of Survivor.

He smiled at me and I couldn't feel my feet. I texted my Director of Patient Services, Tari, and I told her he was right there and I was trying to rack up the nerve to walk over. My kids would just die hearing that I met him. That I was sitting next with him at lunch and that we had conversation. They would just die!

"Go over to him!" and "You will regret it if you don't" Tari texted back. What was stopping me? I was so chicken. "What is the problem?" I asked myself. "I spoke to a room full of people last night and I was just on television this morning and I didn't freak out over that at all. What is my problem?"

I tell people to do hard stuff every day. I say to do what others are unwilling to do. By doing that you build skills for when the really really hard stuff happens.

It has been a hard year this last year with a lot of change for me and a lot of exciting business successes. My kids are growing up and I don't want to miss any of that as I juggle the responsibilities I have professionally and personally. I do hard stuff every day and I find out what I'm made of. I practice what I preach so "Get over there Susan!" So what was my problem? What was stopping me from just walking over there and telling him that I know he values his privacy and I'd like to get a picture if I could. I'd be brief even though I would act like a stalker and stutter and probably accidentally spit when I talked.

I chickened out. I choked. The mental theater in my head stopped me from walking over there. My flight was going to leave and I had to make a move or miss it. I missed it. I regret it. I'm a doofus. I do the hard stuff like I tell others to do but I wasn't ready for this.

So Jeff Probst from Survivor. ....Next time. I'll be ready.

How Not to be a Yuckaholic!

Okay. I admit it! I left the Smart Zone recently when I just lost it with the phone company. I was featured in a story on the 10:00 pm news in Dallas about the AD/HD test I offer in my clinical practice. The day after I was on TV the phone lines in my office went down for 24 hours. People who saw the news story were calling my office to set up an appointment and all they were getting was a fast busy signal! Those of you who own businesses know how upset I was. It was so bad that I was acting like a Yuckaholic! A Yuckaholic is what we call someone who is stuck in their Yuck and out of the Smart Zone.

Here's a quick question to find out if you might be a Yuckaholic.

If someone gives you a nasty hand gesture in traffic do you think:
a) "People are so rude!"
b) "That person must be having a bad day."

If you guessed "a" then you might be a Yuckaholic. Author Daniel Goleman calls it the "yuck factor." This is the part of your day when your productivity plummets. You start agonizing over the next sales call, an upcoming meeting or a task you need to complete. Procrastination sets in. This hits me when I have reports to complete and when I get home and don't feel like cooking dinner. Just for fun, watch this video of something that can turn you into a Yuckaholic.

Yuckaholics give up control of their day and allow the "yucky" task to take over. You can become a Yuckaholic if you spend more time complaining about the yucky task than actually doing it.

People in the Smart Zone know how to avoid becoming a Yuckaholic. Check out these characteristics of someone in the Smart Zone in charge of their Yuck:

• They are persistent in achieving goals in spite of obstacles and setbacks.
• They feel that they can control situations rather than situations controlling them.
• They are more popular and approachable.
• They are more hopeful for success in daily work.
• They have a minimized fear of failure.
• They are good role models and set an optimistic tone in the workplace and at home.
• They live longer, healthier lives.
• They smile all day and dance around in a cute leotard. (Only kidding, just wanted to make sure you were paying attention).

According to Martin E.P. Seligman's book, Learned Optimism, if you are in one of these fields then an optimistic lifestyle is a must:

• Sales
• Brokering
• Public Relations
• Speaking and Acting
• Fundraising
• Creative Jobs
• Highly Competitive Jobs
• High-Burnout Jobs

There is an argument to be made that Yuckaholics have their place in corporate America. Research supports the fact that pessimists have a more accurate take on some situations than optimists because optimists believe they have more control over things than they actually do. If you are an Accountant, Safety Engineer, Contract Negotiator or Technical Writer it actually helps to be a little pessimistic.

However, optimism is simply more useful in relationships and life in general. One example of what causes many people to become Yuckaholics is meeting with a difficult manager/client/employee. Here are 4 Smart Moves for decreasing your chances of being a Yuckaholic and being more optimistic in that kind of situation:

• Argue with yourself. Before every "yuck factor" in your day there is a way to fight it with an attitude you can change or a skill you can acquire. Take control of the situation by arguing that you are in control of the "yuck."


• Could you be imagining things? It is your belief about your manager that matters more than the actual meeting itself. The best way to dispute a negative belief is to prove that it is false. Take a quick reality check. Does your manager really want to yell at you? Does he really dislike you?


• Consider other causes. Most events in the world have more than one cause. Yuckaholics narrow in on one bad cause. In this case: "I don't like to meet with my manager because my manager hates me." Optimists realize there are other causes like, "this organization puts too much stress on people in management" or "I really know what I'm talking about and my manager isn't as involved in the daily operations and so he doesn't have all of the information."


• Accept the truth. So what if you are right? Your manager does hate your guts. Is it the end of the world? Just because a meeting doesn't go well doesn't mean life is over. See it as an opportunity to shine by improving next time. Employees who overcome a setback show their value even more to their managers and grow personally from the experience.

How to Bullyproof Your Children

A few months ago I blogged about Workplace Bullying and shared tips for how to address bullying on the job.  With local schools starting back up last week, FOX 4 asked me to do a segment on what to do if your child is being bullied. Click here to watch the segment.


The 3 main points I want to stress are:

1. If your child is being bullied it's not his fault. Don’t say, “What did you do to aggravate the other child?”
2. 88% of teens are silent witnesses of bullying and don’t stand up for their friends who are being bullied. Teach your children that as bystanders they play a critical role in stopping the bully's behavior. The child being bullied is not likely to tell someone because he is embarrassed or afraid of retaliation.
3. Teach your kids the difference between "tattling" and "reporting." Many times parents or teachers may say, “Don’t be a tattle-tale. If so-in-so is being bullied then he should tell me.” When you tattle on someone you are trying to get someone IN TROUBLE. When you report something you are trying to get someone OUT OF TROUBLE.

5 Ways to Solve Problems at Work

Someone stole my cab! Here's the story: A few weeks ago I was in San Antonio speaking at a dinner meeting and was booked for a FOX TV segment the following morning early at 7:00 am. Not only was it morning rush hour but it was raining and I planned on taking a cab. I called for a taxi from my hotel room and when I got down to the hotel lobby someone rushed past me and stole my cab! Okay so I freaked out a bit (or like I tell you, I had an "exaggerated response"). I called another cab and luckily got a driver who took me the back roads to the TV station.

In our personal lives we are often used to solving problems on our own - or we can solve them easily with an informal network. But at work, problem solving often requires collaboration. A Japanese proverb states, "None of us are as smart as all of us." People in the Smart Zone embrace the fact that a work team has the capability to solve problems and be as smart as all of us.

Problems in the work place come in all shapes and sizes. There is no magic formula for solving every problem we encounter. Adapting our problem solving process to fit the problem at hand requires both cognitive and emotional skills. Here are 5 tips for problem solving in the Smart Zone:

1. A Point on Perception. Is there really a problem and if so, is it solvable? For example, if your problem is that the sky is blue, then you will need to rethink the problem. Jochen Zeitz who is CEO of the shoemaker Puma says, "Design usually starts with 'There is no way' and then we say, 'Okay, how can we make this work?'"



2. Define the Problem in a One-Sentence Statement. This sounds easy but is really quite difficult. By having a well-defined problem it makes the solved state more measurable. Charles Kettering, co-holder of more than 140 patents and inventor of such things as the spark plug, leaded gasoline and Freon for refrigerators and air conditioners, once said, "A problem well stated is a problem half solved."



3. Focus on the Solved State. Ask yourself and your team these questions:
   a. How will we know when the problem has been solved?
   b. What does the solved state look and feel like?
   c. What is tangible evidence that the problem is solved?
   Click here for an article I wrote recently about problem solving between a staff and board of directors.



4. Use a System That Works for Your Group. There are several problem solving techniques such as brainstorming, root cause analysis, the drill down technique, etc. The appreciation technique is a powerful way to extract the maximum amount of information from a fact. First you start with a fact and then ask the question, "So what?"
   
   Example: Our warehouse does not have the required part in stock.
   So what?
   The part will need to be ordered from a vendor.
   So what?
   It will take more time to get the needed part.
   So what?
   Our customer will need to be notified of the delay.
   So...
   
   In the future, we need a process for the warehouse to order parts in advance so parts will not be out of stock when needed.
   
   While the same conclusion still could have been determined without a formal technique it still provides a framework for extracting information quickly and reliably.



5. Develop an Accountability Plan. Many problem solving sessions end when the solution is determined. But wait! Next, assign specific action items to people with a time frame for completion. Design a way to hold those responsible for the solution accountable for the results.

Just for fun, watch this video from the show Modern Family on how Cameron and Mitchell collaborated on solving a problem. Modern Family makes me laugh and I thought you just might too.

Bye way, I'd love for you to join my Facebook Fan Page or follow me on Twitter!

How Not to be a Drama Queen or King

Every office usually has one: a Drama Queen or King. He or she can get everyone stirred up at the simplest of events and is successful at creating drama. In my private practice we call this "Mental Theater." Some people confuse Drama Queens/Kings with Gossips but they aren't the same. (Click here to read my recent quotes in CNN Living about gossiping on the job).

For example, have you ever been in a fight with your spouse and he/she doesn't know it? Or have you ever felt convinced your boss doesn't like you even though there is no concrete evidence? This is mental theater. It's when we create drama in our heads so that it seems an event actually happened. Here are examples of destructive forms of mental theater:

• In a work environment, a manager may perceive that his boss is upset with him because he doesn't make eye contact with him while they are talking. So the manager proceeds to relate to his boss as if there really is a disagreement.
• An assistant may believe that a co-worker who is whispering is talking about her behind her back. The assistant then becomes hostile as if there has been a breach of trust.
• A husband may believe that his wife is having an affair because she is too friendly with the attractive gentleman next door. He then begins to treat her as if she's been unfaithful.

When we only have part of the story, we tend to fill in other parts. It's like putting a puzzle together and when you get stumped you pick up the box to see the picture so you can figure out where the pieces go. But what if you only have half the picture? It's like having half the story.

Ask yourself these 4 questions to work in the Smart Zone and course correct negative drama that can get out of hand.

1. Is my thinking based on fact?


2. Does my thinking help me achieve my goal?


3. Does my thinking help me feel the way I want to feel?


4. How can I change my mental theater to create a win-win situation?

When I asked my Facebook friends how not to be a Drama Queen or King, Deidra Roe said, "if you truly want to be heard, then stop throwing a temper tantrum and be a civilized, calm adult because no one hears a word you say when you are screaming and ranting."

Keep in mind that YOU are in charge of your own mental theater. When you have only part of a story resist the urge to fill in the blanks. Or use mental theater to your advantage by visualizing your success and filling in the blanks with a positive outcome. Chapter 8 of my book, Working in the Smart Zone, expands on this topic if you would like to learn more.

If you'd like to hear me discuss staying in the Smart Zone and mental theater, listen to the podcast where I was interviewed by Jason Hartman on his Creating Wealth Show.

Speaking of drama, my last electronic newsletter called "Are You Worried about Things You Can't Control?" had a technical glitch in the code and wasn't readable for many of you. Thanks to those of you who notified me! If you'd like to read it I've posted it to my blog.

Bye way, I'd love for you to "like" my Facebook Fan Page or follow me on Twitter!

Are You Worried about Things You Can't Control?

I recently took an informal survey on my Facebook Page and asked what one thing causes my friends the most stress. Guess what the most the most common response was? "Things I can't control."

As I am still recovering from gall bladder surgery and trying to get back to a regular schedule, I'm reminded of what I can't control. A gall bladder attack and subsequent surgery to remove it a few days later was not on my agenda for the month. Worrying about my situation wouldn't have done me any good - but I still managed to worry about all the appointments I would need to reschedule and how I would juggle with kids while I was recovering.

The Swedish proverb is true that worry gives a small thing a big shadow. If you saw me on FOX 4 Good Day last year then you heard me say that "worry is the misuse of imagination." Click here to watch my interview on FOX.

Anxiety is a significant problem for 13% of adults in any given year. Most people tend to act fine, even though they don't "feel" fine, contributing even more to feelings of worry.

Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time. 40% of people report worrying more now than they did 5 years ago. Most of the time it is for general life events like a final exam (click here for our tips on handling test anxiety), finances after losing a job, a job interview or a teenage child who is 10 minutes late past curfew. When unrealistic, persistent anxiety is a part of everyday life, then it is possible that generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) may be present. GAD affects 3-4% of the population and can be treated with psychotherapy.

Use these Smart Moves to handle things you can't control:

• Know the difference between good and bad worry. If you live in a high crime area it's good to worry about being out alone at night. Living in fear that someone with a rare disease will breathe or cough in your face is an unrealistic worry.
  
• Focus on what you can control like how many times you smile today, how honest you are, the amount of effort you put into your work, how well you listen, etc. This is an interesting list of 50 things you can control right now. Remember this the next time you are at the airport and your flight is delayed! You can control how you react to this situation.
  
• Avoid what-iffing about situations. Stay in the here-and-now.
  Ask yourself, "Is there evidence that I need to worry?" Ask yourself: "Am I trying to control things out of my control?" "On my deathbed will I be glad I worried about this?" "Will this matter to me next year, next month or next week?"


• Use worry to your advantage. If you've been goofing off and not preparing well for an upcoming project then worry can help you spring into action. But don't let worry be a substitute for taking action.
  
• Seek treatment from a professional. Treatment doesn't always mean medication is necessary. If there are significant physiological symptoms and impairment in daily functioning, medication prescribed by a physician with specialized knowledge in the treatment of anxiety can give greater relief quicker than when medication is not used. More importantly, medication can provide the kind of relief and stabilize the anxiety so other forms of treatment are effective long-term. Click here to read my blog post on how to find a good psychologist or psychiatrist and also my handout on how to find a therapist outside of the Dallas/Fort Worth area.

Most anxiety is obsessive and repetitive. Telling someone not to worry further encourages that person to keep the worry to him or herself. It's important to learn how to extinguish the anxiety so daily satisfaction can be increased and you can stay in the Smart Zone.

By the way, I'd love for you to join my Facebook Fan Page or follow me on Twitter!