Who is Holding You Accountable?

Sometimes I get frustrated with my friend Julie. She makes it look so easy to have so much stamina. She is always finding ways that we can work more efficiently, get our exercise in each day, and have cherished valuable time with our kids. She has backed off me a bit as I recover from gall bladder surgery last week. But I know just as soon as I am able she will show up on my door step for us to walk the dogs just like always.

We all need people to hold us accountable. Sales goals, budgets, contracts and deadlines are just like my friend Julie (and my gall bladder) - they hold us accountable for promises we've made. People in the Smart Zone create accountability by inspiring others to accept responsibility for their actions.

Accountability is really a call from your conscience. It's the voice that tells you to do the best you can and to hold others responsible for being their best selves. People lacking accountability are those who are "along for the ride" floating through life, blaming others for their failures and lacking integrity in relationships.

To stay in the Smart Zone remain accountable to yourself first and use the following Smart Moves to create accountability:

• Don't confuse obedience with accountability. When people obey they are merely doing work to avoid getting punished - possibly at the expense of other people, morale or customer goodwill. Just doing what you are told is not accountability. You must take ownership of your successes and failures to be accountable.
• Discomfort and remorse are important teachers. When someone fails to perform don't minimize the remorse they feel for messing up. Let them experience the emotions so you don't take away their learning. But remember that people don't learn when they feel threatened - so tread lightly.
• Lead by example. I am guilty of telling my staff to keep our administrative area clutter free and then letting my desk pile up with stuff. If I want my staff to be more accountable, I must be more accountable.
• "Deadlines make people do dumb things," says über-blogger Seth Godin. Deadlines are made to hold people accountable but many people spend more time explaining why they missed a deadline. With 2 weeks to meet a deadline some people only care about the last 15 minutes.
• Accountability and responsibility are first cousins. Make and keep your promises. If you find yourself getting off track stop and check yourself. Be honest with yourself and be honest enough to hold others on your team to their personal best.
• Find an accountability partner. This must NOT be a person that you live with, sleep with or have given birth to. Use your own self awareness to admit weak areas in your life that an accountability partner can help with. Click here to watch my explanation of self awareness.

Accountability comes from within and helps you catch problems early on so that you can take ownership of responding to them. Stop yourself the next time you have the urge to say, "That's not MY job." Hold yourself and others accountable so that everyone will perform at their personal best and work in the Smart Zone.

By the way, click on this questionnaire to see if you have gall bladder symptoms. I certainly could have benefitted from this information before spending a night in the ER last week. I'm pretty tough and have been told I have a high tolerance for pain. Well, gall bladder pain is like no other. Talk about accountability!

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How to Empty Your Bucket & Handle Stress

I actually felt sorry for the person in the waiting room with me at the Veterinarian's office last week. She was so impatient and I could tell her blood was boiling. The Vet was behind in his schedule and there were a lot of people and their pets piling up in the waiting room. She kept sighing loudly for all of us to hear, mumbling under her breath and getting impatient with her dog. She was causing a small spectacle and the psychologist in me wanted to talk her through it. I know even our Golden Retriever Sophie could feel that this lady was a bit uptight. She may have been having pre-summer burnout which I talked about in this FOX 4 TV segment last week. Click here to watch it.

We all have days when our tolerance level is lower and we feel stress sooner. For this woman, it wasn't about the Vet being slow or the waiting room being too full. It was about the other stressors in her life. She was having what I call an "exaggerated response" to waiting for her turn.

I believe everyone has a bucket inside of them. When something causes stress, frustrates you, makes you angry or requires a lot of attention and energy the bucket starts to fill. When your bucket fills completely you will have an exaggerated response causing you to overreact to the simplest of stressors. Some people call it "wigging out," "losing it," and "going postal." You may be getting a 10 minute oil change and it takes longer than 10 minutes and you "lose it" when normally this delay wouldn't be a big deal. Click here to watch my video explanation of your bucket.

A few things that tend to fill my bucket are: new technology in my business (I recently converted to a Mac), packing for a vacation with my 3 boys and folding laundry.

Things that can fill your bucket are:

• A sick child
• Remodeling your home
• A work deadline
• Trying to lose weight
• A long commute to work
• Difficult spouse
• Difficult coworkers or boss
• Financial stress
• Job loss (click here for tips on how to keep a job loss from hurting your marriage)
• Sibling rivalry
• Learning a new skill
• Going back to school

Ways to empty your bucket are:

• Getting enough sleep
• Exercise
• Spending quality time with friends
• Spending quality time with family
• Church involvement
• Volunteering in the community
• Hobbies
• Reading
• Staying organized
• Meditation

Be careful not to choose ways to empty your bucket with activities that cause it to fill back up and cause even more stress. Sarah Ferguson just attempted to empty her bucket in a way that caused it to refill. Some poor choices for emptying your bucket are:

• Marital affair
• Alcohol abuse
• Substance abuse (illegal and prescription)
• Smoking
• Gambling
• Gossip
• Overeating
• Antisocial activities like stealing, lying, behaving impulsively
• Withdrawing from social activities and groups
• Borrowing money and not repaying it

To stay in the Smart Zone, anticipate what will fill your bucket so you can get ahead of it. I build in training time when I add new technology to my business to help minimize my stress. When traveling I build in an extra day to pack to avoid being up until 2:00 a.m. the night before. And when you feel an exaggerated response coming on instead of saying, "I'm so stressed out. I can't handle this," say, "I need to find a way to empty my bucket." I know that everyone in your life, including your pets, will appreciate it.

What Not to Put in an Email or Social Media

I email A LOT and so I realize how easy it is to put things in writing that you should really say in person. A few weeks ago I blogged about how Facebook can make you sick and how it's important to communicate face-to-face with people.

Recently a reporter from the Los Angeles Times interviewed me about sharing bad news electronically. Specifically news about one's health. Many of you may be familiar with Caring Bridge which is a free blog service offered to people facing serious illness. It allows families to share health updates and needs with people authorized to receive the updates. I recently followed one of my friends through her Cancer treatments by reading her Caring Bridge updates.

Proceed with caution when communicating certain information using online forums and email. Use these Smart Moves when emailing, Facebooking, Twittering or blogging to keep you in the Smart Zone:

• You can't hear your tone of voice in an email. I've received emails where I thought the person was mad at me to later find out that wasn't the case at all. Words are only 7% of communication with your voice inflection and body language making up the remaining 93%. Keep in mind that emails can be misinterpreted because words are only a small part of communication.
• You can't take back what you put in writing. Once it hits Facebook or Twitter it becomes part of a permanent history. Unless you are tech savvy and know how to retract an email, which normally doesn't work, once you send one it's a done deal. Better yet, avoid the "Reply All" option. I've heard tons of "Reply All" horror stories.
• "I could get into trouble by telling you this," is one of the 10 things you should never say in an email according to Roger Matus' Death by Email blog. Click here for the 10 Things Never to Put in an Email.
• Use airport caution. Anything you could get into trouble saying at the airport - like "I feel like blowing this place up" - you shouldn't say via online forums. Any teasing that could be interpreted as potential terrorism should be off limits.
• TMI "Too Much Information." Emails or Facebook updates like, "I've been throwing up all night" or "I'm worried about so-in-so's marriage" fall into this category. Also, be weary of emailing about other people's health. Information about another person's medical issues, medication and treatments should be confidential. You can share medical information about yourself but it's inappropriate to share it about others.
• Condolences should be communicated by phone, handwritten note or in person.
• Resist the urge to be cyberdaring. Most people are cyberdaring. Haven't we all emailed a message that we would be too timid to say in person? With social media and emails we become reckless with our comments. I've even witnessed couples having arguments through their Facebook comments. And I've worked with people who have been fired for information they sent by email.

Remember that your relationships, personal and professional, are worth the little extra it would take to personally communicate. That will keep you in the Smart Zone.

Workplace Bullying: What You Need to Know

Even as a psychologist who has heard it all in 20 years practicing, there are times when I hear things that really, really bother me. If you live in the Dallas area you may have heard the tragic story of 9 year old Montana Lance who committed suicide at his elementary school in January as a result of bullying. Last week I was invited to the FOX 4 TV Studios to be the online chat expert for viewers regarding this incident. (Click here to watch). Viewers were able to chat live with me online after watching a segment with Montana's parents who are taking a stand to raise awareness and promote Anti-Bullying day.

When we hear of bullying we tend to think of children at school. But it's no less common in the workplace and a topic worthy of much more discussion. A recent study reported 1 in 6 U.S. employees have experienced workplace bullying. Understand the signs and symptoms of workplace bullying to keep your organization in the Smart Zone.

Workplace bullying is defined as repeated, unreasonable actions of individuals (or a group) directed towards an employee (or group of employees) which is intended to intimidate and create a risk to the health and safety of the employee(s).

Factors that increase the risk of bullying are:

• Significant organizational change
• Worker characteristics such as generational/life stage differences
• Staff shortages
• Role ambiguity
• High rate of work intensity

I bet several of these risk factors sound familiar - especially in today's work environment. Bullies do not run good organizations. Workplace bullying leads to high staff turnover and sick leave and low morale and productivity. A bullied environment keeps employees from doing their best work and breaks down trust within the organization. Just for fun, watch this clip in The Devil Wears Prada to see a bully in action.

Here are 2 informative articles from BNET regarding workplace bullying:

Nipping Workplace Bullying in the Bud

Understanding the Characteristics of Workplace Bullying

Stress and Taxes: How to Make April 15th Less Stressful

I recently finished my 2009 taxes and celebrated with friends by going to the Taylor Swift concert in Dallas. I know I'm not the typical demographic she appeals to - believe me, there were plenty of screaming teens there to remind me. But it was fun to blow off some steam and laugh with friends after finishing my taxes. Whew!

The American Psychological Association reports that 75% of Americans cite money as a significant point of stress. Tax time increases our focus on money and consequently, increases our stress. If your family has experienced unemployment recently then you are experiencing even more stress. Click here to read what I have to say about your spouse losing a job in eFinancialCareers.


To stay in the Smart Zone this tax season use these 9 Smart Moves to avoid stress and sustain your sanity during tax time.

1. Don't avoid it. Paying your taxes isn't something most people enjoy - but let's face it - it's unavoidable. Avoiding it and procrastinating will only magnify your stress and cost you more in the long run with penalties.
2. Avoid the "money fight" with your spouse. In many relationships there is a "saver" and a "spender." For couples who fight over money tax time raises the importance of money and fights can escalate. Money fights may really be rooted in the fight for power. In the long term, it's important to determine the true source of your money fights - you may need the help of a financial counselor or therapist. A job loss can make things worse (click here to watch my TV appearance on FOX where I discuss this).
3. Don't take it out on your accountant or the UPS guy. Have you ever seen someone losing it because the UPS guy didn't bring what they were expecting? Your body doesn't know the difference between work stress, home stress and personal stress. When we have too much stress our hormones kick in causing a small hassle to suddenly become huge - and we have an "exaggerated response" (which some call "freaking out, going ballistic, losing it"). Your tax responsibility is not your accountant's fault - he/she is only the messenger. Learn to recognize when your stress level is getting high and eliminate it by reading a book, exercising, surfing the internet, getting organized or eating lunch with a friend.
4. Use this time to commit to keeping better financial records. I tell people that the way we think affects the way we act affects the way we feel. You can think yourself into feeling defeated. So choose instead to think yourself into moving forward, managing your money and keeping good records in the future. Don't wait until you feel a certain way to act a certain way. Make it happen now.
5. Keep it simple. Take baby steps. If your tax situation is complicated break it down into small steps and do a little each night or over a few weeks. Don't cram it all into 2 days.
6. Have some fun. Put on some relaxing music, sit outside or light some candles. You don't have to be holed up in a dungeon with a scowl on your face to do your taxes. However, I would recommend waiting on a glass of wine until after you've finished.
7. Expect things to work out well. Did you know that worrying about failing increases the likelihood of failure? Worrying about making a mistake or not doing your taxes correctly will only make things worse.
8. Reward yourself when the taxes are complete. Go out to eat, see a funny movie, get ice cream or take a long walk with the dog. Take a break from email, news coverage and gossip to put yourself in a positive mood and to feel like you are moving forward with an optimistic attitude.
9. Hire a pro. If your tax situation is complicated by all means hire someone to help you. This will cost you less in the long run and minimize your stress.
   

Could You Have ADHD?

What do Albert Einstein, Pablo Picasso, John Lennon and Elvis Presley have in common? They all had ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder). I believe ADHD in adults, who don't manage it well, affects our work environment and keeps people out of the Smart Zone.

I am really excited about an innovative test we have available in my office. Recently, my office became the only psychological practice in Texas to offer an objective computer test for ADHD for children, adolescents and adults. Click here to watch a news segment Channel 33 filmed about it in my office here in Plano.

Developed by physicians at Harvard, the Quotient/ADHD™ System is the first test to objectively measure all 3 core symptoms of ADHD. The test takes 15 minutes for kids under 13 or 20 minutes for adolescents and adults. Click here to watch the footage about the test on FOX News Channel.

Approximately 5% of the adult population is estimated to have ADHD. It wasn't long ago that ADHD was seen as a childhood disorder where symptoms were thought to disappear with the onset of puberty. Clear scientific evidence shows that ADHD continues into adulthood. While most adults were diagnosed as children, there are many adults who are undiagnosed.

Symptoms of ADHD that you probably already know are:

• Difficulty concentrating and paying attention to details.
• Trouble sitting still for long periods of time.
• Short fuse.
• Putting things off.
• Tardiness.
• Forgetfulness in daily activities.
• Getting criticized for interrupting people.
• Being disorganized and having a messy car, home or office.
• Starting projects without thinking through the steps.
• Failing to finish tasks.
• Click here for a longer checklist.

Adults with ADHD are more likely to:

• Buy on impulse and have trouble saving money.
• Receive speeding tickets.
• Be involved in car crashes where they are at fault.
• Smoke and/or use drugs.
• Exhibit road rage and aggressive driving when angered.
• Get fired or quit a job out of boredom.
• Be disciplined on the job by a manager or supervisor.
• Have higher marital dissatisfaction although not a higher divorce rate.
  

Let me clear up a few misconceptions about ADHD:

• ADHD does exist and is not a conspiracy by scientists to medicate people. It is a real medical condition that is biologically based.
  
• ADHD is not simply a lack of willpower.
  
• Bad parenting does not cause ADHD. However, studies show a genetic predisposition for ADHD within families.
  
• Adults with ADHD are not stupid or lazy. Recent studies reveal that people with ADHD actually tend to have above average intelligence but it does not show because of the ADHD.
  
• ADHD can be treated without medication. New research indicates that you can improve brain functioning with direct, deliberate practice. This is called neuroplasticity. Relaxation, concentration and other self management exercises can improve the ability to sustain attention in some people.
• Before starting any medication you should be properly diagnosed. Anxiety, depression or learning disabilities can be disguised as ADHD.

To stay in the Smart Zone learn more about ADHD. If you think you might have it, get tested by a qualified professional. It could help you refocus your career and personal life. Click here to read my quotes in a Forbes.com article where I talk about refocusing your career.

All assessments for ADHD should be comprehensive and also assess for emotional factors and the influence of present stressors. Your quality of life, your effectiveness at work and home, and your relationships can benefit from knowing if you truly have the disorder.

Can Facebook Make You Sick?

A controversial study from the Institute of Biology recently reported that social networking sites such as Facebook could raise your risk of cancer, strokes, heart disease and dementia. The reason: "Increased isolation could alter the way genes work and upset immune responses, hormone levels and the function of arteries and impair mental performance." In other words, not being around other people is bad for your health.


Watch my appearance on FOX 4 Good Day last week where I discuss this issue.

The research went on to say that face-to-face conversations have decreased steadily since 1987 and that there is a difference between "real presence" and virtual presence. The study even identified "socially regulated genes" that affect our immune system.

Last year I blogged about how Facebook helps you stay in the Smart Zone. And I still believe it does. I've embraced blogging, Twitter (sort of), YouTube, Facebook and of course, email. Plus, I'm lost without my iPhone.

Just to prove I'm not "down" on Facebook, there are studies that show it increases productivity at work. An Australian study found surfing the internet for fun during office hours actually increased employees productivity. The study from the University of Melbourne says "workplace internet leisure browsing, or WILB, helped to sharpen workers' concentration." It goes on to say that people need to zone out for a bit to rest their mind so they can have a higher concentration level.

But communicating with someone on Facebook does not replace human contact. When you minimize or eliminate contact with people you increase your chances of social isolation, loneliness, a negative outlook and ill health. This is true even for introverted people.

Use these Smart Moves so that Facebook doesn't make you sick:

• Call someone out of the blue. Not by poking them on Facebook or sending them an email. Pick up the phone and call someone - voice to voice.


• Resist the urge to answer your cell phone when you are at lunch with a coworker. The only time I interrupt a conversation to answer my cell phone is if I see the school nurse calling. A fast way to lose connection with someone is to interrupt the conversation with a call from someone else.


• Words are a tiny part of communication. Experts say that 7% of human communication comes from words, while 38% is from a person's tone of the voice and 55% comes from body language. Without face-to-face interaction you are only using 7% of your capacity to communicate.


• Find ways to connect. Find a reason to say thank you, offer sympathy to a bereaved friend, give a birthday wish or congratulate someone. St. Patrick's Day is coming up - use this as your excuse to call someone!


• Acknowledge people by speaking to them when they enter your presence. My Director of Client Relations, Zan Jones, is a stickler about this. It could be because she has had a career in sales and management and knows the importance of relationships. Zan says that she never passes by someone in the hallway without acknowledging them in some way - usually with a smile and a "Hi." Don't miss a day telling your coworkers, "Good morning."


• Serve with someone. One of my favorite ways to connect with people is to volunteer for a project or cause. Volunteer to serve on the board of a nonprofit agency or on a church committee, answer the phones at the hospital or work at the concession stand during your kid's sporting events. By serving in the community you create a personal win-win.

Even the CEO of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, understands the importance of spending personal time with other people. In the March issue of Fast Company, he reveals that during what Facebook called its "Christmas break" he and several Facebook employees went to India for the week long family celebration and wedding of 2 Facebook staffers. Now that's a Smart Move!

By the way, I'd love for you to join my Facebook Fan Page or follow me on Twitter!