How To Shock In a Good Way

I was shocked in a meeting with my book publisher this week when someone threw out an F-bomb. It wouldn't have been shocking if it had just been the two of us talking but there were several other people in the room. This isn't an article about it being bad to cuss in business conversations - let's face it - I hear lots of colorful language in my clinical practice and when consulting with companies. However, I believe we should all be cautious when using "dirty mouth" language. That kind of colorful expression can be shocking and leave a lasting impression in a bad way. 

People in the Smart Zone know how to shock and surprise people in a good way. I was totally stunned and pleasantly surprised this week when I toured the LIVESTRONG headquarters in Austin, Texas:
 

It was eye opening and enlightening to see the attention the people of LIVESTRONG have given to their message. They are true to their mission to help people affected by cancer, their commitment to healthy living and the trust they instill in their employees. Now that's how people in the Smart Zone shock people!

Here are five Smart Moves for how to shock people in a good way:

1. Respond faster than you promised. How excited are you to hear that your car that is being repaired is ready a day early or that your internet service is up and running now vs. tomorrow? It's the classic "under promise and over deliver" mentality. Go out of your way to help people get what they need faster than they expect and they will be shocked!
2. Tell someone, "You are absolutely right." Listening is an art but it also has financial impact. Studies show that physicians who listen to their patients for at least 3 minutes have significantly fewer malpractice lawsuits against them. When you are eager to make a sale or get your point across you are less likely to listen. When someone objects to what you think resist the urge to defend your point and trying saying this, "You are absolutely right, I should consider that."
3. Really get to know people. Learn what excites your employees, coworkers and customers. What are their goals? What stresses them out? Don't pry too deeply - but show an appropriate interest in your colleagues and their well-being.
4. Laugh at yourself more than others. In other words, have a sense of humor! Be willing to laugh at yourself and your short-comings. Practice humility. People will trust you more if they see you are willing to laugh at yourself.
5. Don't step on Superman's cape. When others have high aspirations, encourage them to go for it. The only way dreams are achieved is for someone to have them. You can be the voice of reality and still encourage others to achieve success.

September is ADHD Awareness Month: Are You an Adult That Has It?

Approximately 5% of the adult population is estimated to have ADHD. It wasn't long ago that ADHD was seen as a childhood disorder where symptoms were thought to disappear with the onset of puberty. Clear scientific evidence shows that ADHD continues into adulthood. While most adults were diagnosed as children, there are many adults who are undiagnosed.

Symptoms of ADHD that you probably already know are:

• Difficulty concentrating and paying attention to details.
• Trouble sitting still for long periods of time.
• Short fuse.
• Putting things off.
• Tardiness.
• Forgetfulness in daily activities.
• Getting criticized for interrupting people.
• Being disorganized and having a messy car, home or office.
• Starting projects without thinking through the steps.
• Failing to finish tasks.
• Click here for a longer checklist.

Adults with ADHD are more likely to:

• Buy on impulse and have trouble saving money.
• Receive speeding tickets.
• Be involved in car crashes where they are at fault.
• Smoke and/or use drugs.
• Exhibit road rage and aggressive driving when angered.
• Get fired or quit a job out of boredom.
• Be disciplined on the job by a manager or supervisor.
• Have higher marital dissatisfaction although not a higher divorce rate.

Let me clear up a few misconceptions about ADHD:

• ADHD does exist and is not a conspiracy by scientists to medicate people. It is a real medical condition that is biologically based.
• ADHD is not simply a lack of willpower.
• Bad parenting does not cause ADHD. However, studies show a genetic predisposition for ADHD within families.
• Adults with ADHD are not stupid or lazy. Recent studies reveal that people with ADHD actually tend to have above average intelligence but it does not show because of the ADHD.
• ADHD can be treated without medication. New research indicates that you can improve brain functioning with direct, deliberate practice. This is called neuroplasticity. Relaxation, concentration and other self management exercises can improve the ability to sustain attention in some people.
• Before starting any medication you should be properly diagnosed. Anxiety, depression or learning disabilities can be disguised as ADHD.

To stay in the Smart Zone learn more about ADHD. If you think you might have it, get tested by a qualified professional. It could help you refocus your career and personal life. Read my quotes in a Forbes.com article where I talk about refocusing your career.

All assessments for ADHD should be comprehensive and also assess for emotional factors and the influence of present stressors. Your quality of life, your effectiveness at work and home, and your relationships can benefit from knowing if you truly have the disorder.

How to Avoid Being a Drama King or Queen

Every office usually has one: a Drama Queen or King. He or she can get everyone stirred up at the simplest of events and is successful at creating drama. In my private practice I call this "Mental Theater."

  

Mental theater is when we create drama in our heads so that it seems an event actually happened. Here are examples of destructive forms of mental theater:

• A manager perceives that his boss is upset with him because he doesn't make eye contact with him while they are talking. So the manager proceeds to relate to his boss as if there really is a disagreement. 
• An assistant believes that a co-worker who is whispering is talking about her behind her back.  The assistant then becomes hostile as if there has been a breach of trust. 
• A husband believes that his wife is having an affair because she is too friendly with the attractive gentleman next door.  He then begins to treat her as if she's been unfaithful.

When we only have part of the story, we tend to fill in other parts.  It's like putting a puzzle together and when you get stumped you pick up the box to see the picture so you can figure out where the pieces go.  But what if you only have half the picture?  It's like having half the story. 

Ask yourself these 4 questions to work in the Smart Zone  and course correct negative drama that can get out of hand. 

1. Is my thinking based on fact?   
2. Does my thinking help me achieve my goal?
3. Does my thinking help me feel the way I want to feel?
4. How can I change my mental theater to create a win-win situation?

Keep in mind that YOU are in charge of your own mental theater. When you have only part of a story resist the urge to fill in the blanks. Or use mental theater to your advantage by visualizing your success and filling in the blanks with a positive outcome. Chapter 8 of my book,  Working in the Smart Zone, expands on this topic if you would like to learn more.

Is Spanking Harmful?

A recent study in the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics found a high percentage of American parents spank or slap their children. And it suggests spanking could lead to mental health issues down the road. FOX 4 covered the story and asked me to comment on it in this TV segment.

Dallas News | myFOXdfw.com

Freedom Is Not Free

My Director of Client Relations, Zan Jones, just returned from a family vacation to Washington, DC. With July 4th approaching she said the history lessons were timely. She said the Korean Memorial was particularly moving because it seemed dark around it even though it was bathed in full afternoon sunshine (and 100 degree heat).  

Here's a photo of Zan's girls at the memorial:

The Korean War Veterans Memorial includes

the words "Freedom Is Not Free" 

Stay in the Smart Zone this Independence Day by honoring soldiers, past and present, and the friends and families who support them. While freedom is not free, we are all free to show gratitude, respect and appreciation for those who fought for our country.

Here's to the freedom we have in many ways: the freedom to choose, the freedom to live and the freedom to be happy in the Smart Zone.

Happy July 4th!

Teen Pregnancy Comments on FOX 4

This is an amazing story about resiliency and the challenges of teen pregnancy. I was asked to comment at the end of this segment beginning at 2:43.

What College Graduates are Missing

There are some things I know I'm good at. There are things I know I'm not so good at.

I cook great pancakes. I can help people see things differently. I can diffuse a difficult situation between two people in a work environment and help them learn to work well with each other. I'm not so good at Math. I don't sing well. I'm not your girl if you need a speaker who can talk about Eating Disorders or Six Sigma.

Many people, in an effort to make a good impression, only disclose what they are good at. Maybe they're afraid that they will be judged if they talk about what they can't do. FOX 4 recently asked me to comment on Time magazine's story, "Are You Mom Enough" which addresses insecurities parents can have. Here's the TV footage - you may have seen the controversial magazine cover.

But there is a trend in the Millennial generation (18-30 year olds) for a lack of self-awareness about what they aren't good at. Have we done a disservice to people under 30 who always got a ribbon for participating, who were always told "good job" for doing just enough, or who got whatever they wanted when they threw a teenage tantrum?

Leaders hiring college graduates have revealed that new graduates entering corporate America lack awareness of what they are good at and what they are not good at. Self-regard is when you are able to talk about both. This is so different than self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the reputation you have of yourself. Some people think they are good at everything and they are not shy about telling you so. Self-regard is about being authentic, transparent, and honest. Most people would agree that it is important to represent your true abilities and your "opportunities" for improvement. Here are Smart Ways to show that you have self-regard in a way that can be respected and appreciated:

• Practice with your biggest champions first. To get the language down and build up a comfort level, find ways to fit in a comment about yourself that is not throwing yourself under the bus.
• Be hopeful in your remarks rather than terminal about your inabilities. Instead of saying: "Learning another language is so hard for me. I'll never be able to do it." Say, "I can't wait to learn that. I've never been able to remember the translations." 
• Identify 3 things about yourself that you are working on. Commit to following through with getting better at one of them. You will gain the confidence and belief that "anything is possible" and prove to yourself that inabilities can turn into abilities. 
• Watch people you admire and people who are successful. Observe another person's ability to be humble, honest and forthright when he or she is talking about himself or herself. Study how he/she does this and other peoples' reactions. See how it flows more easily when you are comfortable about it yourself.

I tried doing my own bookkeeping thinking it was a way to keep my finger on the numbers. Now I'm here to tell you that bookkeeping is not my special skill and that I have someone who does it much better - ultimately helping me to know day to day how the money flows in my business life and my personal life. I'm the first one to tell you that I stink at that...and my bookkeeper would be the second to tell you the same thing.