Top 8 Ways to Determine if You are a Scrooge

I've had changes in my personal life this year and, if I wanted, I could figure out a way to be the ultimate Scrooge. But my Smart Zone thinking allows me to see that I'm so delightfully happy and that life is full of opportunities everywhere. I've weathered this year and it's ending with a lot to look forward to in 2011. One of my children just got accepted into an incredible school for children with learning differences. My three boys and I have adjusted to living in our home with just the four of us. My professional projects, media and clinical practice are going well. I'm surrounded by the support of valuable family and friends.

Stay in the Smart Zone this month by not being a Scrooge.

The Top 8 Ways to Determine if You are a Scrooge:

1. You count calories or Weight Watchers points out loud while eating holiday snacks. It's good to watch your caloric intake this time of year. If you watched my How to Avoid the Holiday Blues TV segment on FOX 4 recently you saw me say that nutrition experts believe that holiday depression can be caused by the high sugar and fatty foods we eat around the holidays. But, if you see me eating a Santa cookie please let me eat it in peace.


2. You complain about the company Christmas party. If you are one of the lucky people whose company is throwing a holiday party then be grateful for their generosity.


3. You feel so overwhelmed with everything you have to get done that you are angry at people who seem to be taking it in stride. This is the worst kind of Scrooge because anger like this is internalized and causes you to continue to focus on yourself. This inward focus can easily lead to depression.


4. You slack off at your job because the end of the year is near. After all, other people are on vacation so why should you have to work? This is the best time to get things done because there will be less interruptions. Use this time to be more productive.


5. You talk about how you don't have much money for Christmas presents in front of people you will be buying for. This is especially Scrooge-worthy when done in front of your kids. If a child is old enough, he/she will feel guilty for the gifts his parents give him. If you want to know how to talk to your kids about gift-giving when you are tight on cash, read my blog post "How to Talk to Your Kids about Gift Giving in this Tough Economy."


6. You haven't participated in any holiday volunteer activities or donated to any charities. Many of you already know the Smart Zone secret which is to take the focus off yourself. In the Smart Zone Survey many of you took last month you finished this statement, "The greatest joy in my life is _____." The response "Volunteering and helping others" was in the top 10 responses. I have a fellow red headed friend I adore and hang out with often. She has a habit of paying the tab for another table in a restaurant. She recently did that for our elementary school's counselor and her family when she saw them eating out last week. It gives her such a sense of satisfaction to be a "secret Santa" for people she appreciates and for total strangers. She's one of my closest friends because of her big heart and for other reasons too (our boys look alike and are best buddies).


7. If you buy house cleaning items like a vacuum cleaner, a mop or a toilet plunger for Christmas gifts - you might be a Scrooge. This is a little tongue-in-cheek but I know many of you can relate to this one. Even though I might need a new garden hose or screens for two of my back windows, something that is more personalized that shows you know someone's taste and interests is more personal and celebrates your relationship this time of year.


8. You are reading this list and thinking, "What's wrong with that?!" Need I say more?
   

Don't Let November become "Low-Vember" - How to Avoid the Holiday Blues

When I was growing up in Clearwater, Florida I had this vision of how Thanksgiving should be: A happy family sitting around the table for a big lunch and then heading to the beach with siblings and cousins in the afternoon while the guys stayed home to watch Gator football. We all have a story in our head of how life is supposed to be and when that story doesn't occur it causes sadness and depression. (Kind of like the recently fired Dallas Cowboys football coach, Wade Phillips, may feel this Thanksgiving).

Surprisingly, 2/3 of us will experience depression around Thanksgiving and the holidays. That's a lot of bummed out people! I talked about this subject recently on the FOX 4 Good Day TV show.

For those of you who recently completed the survey in my last electronic newsletter you answered the question, "My constant worry is ____." Your top answers were:

#1: Finances, having enough money, being able to retire
#2: Kids
#3: Nothing (These people are definitely in the Smart Zone!)
#4: Health
#5: Career/Job

If you haven't taken the survey yet, we would love for your answers to be included. Please click here to take it. It only takes 3 minutes and it's critical research for my next book.

These worries become more magnified as we enter the holiday season. We can all feel blue but the symptoms of depression that require professional intervention include:

• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" mood
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
• Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• Restlessness, irritability
• Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain.
• In the extreme: thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts. Click here for a list of suicide facts.

Experiencing one of these symptoms does not necessarily mean that you are clinically depressed. Rather, it's a combination of these symptoms that warrants professional attention. Use these Smart Moves to stay in the Smart Zone and stay out of Low-Vember:

• Scale back. On the survey you took a few weeks ago many of you reported your constant worry is "getting everything done." We can all relate to this, especially now. Scale back the holiday decorating. Ask holiday guests to bring a dish so you aren't cooking it all. Use instant mashed potatoes (I like them better anyway).
• Do not be alone. I know many people enjoy alone time but if you are prone to holiday depression you should spend time with other people during this time. Volunteering is a great way to spend time with others. This is a season where many people are in need and helping others will cheer you up.
• Realize that being edgy is a sign of depression. Agitation and irritability are signs of depression. If you feel edgy take conscious steps to minimize your stress.
• Stay away from alcohol. This time of year it can be free flowing. Alcohol is a depressant. You may feel good for a little while but alcohol will leave you feeling tired and bummed out.
• Take care of yourself. If you are healthy and feel good it makes the holidays better for everyone. Exercise, even if it's just walking the dogs, is one of the best mood boosters.
• Watch what you eat. I hate this one but nutritional experts believe that depression is caused by the excessive sugar and fatty foods consumed over the holidays. I'm going to have to really work on this one. My friends are all great cooks.
• Music can affect your mood. Use it to soothe your feelings and emotions. Steer clear of the sound track from Titanic and stick with uplifting music. I feel cheered up when listening to 80's music because it reminds me of high school and a care free time in my life. I'm starting to list my favorites on iTunes. Watch for my list in my next newsletter. What are your favorites? I'd love to know! Email me and let me know.

Even though my Thanksgiving doesn't look like my childhood vision I've found new ways over the years to spend time with good friends and family. And I still watch Gator football! Just for fun, watch this hilarious family gathering on Modern Family that didn't go as planned.

I Need Your Help

This blog post is a plea for help.

I am in the process of writing my third book and can really use your input for my research. Would you please take 3 minutes to complete this survey?

It's confidential and I promise to share the results with you. Thank you so much! Please click "Take this Survey" to begin.

Thanks again!

Guess Who I Saw in the Houston Airport?

Just last week a few of us in the office were talking about what celebrity we would love to meet. I was a "doofus" because I couldn't think of anyone that would be "the" person I would want to run into. I drew a blank and had nothing to offer. I wasn't sure what it meant and I thought nothing more of it.

So last week I was changing planes in the Houston airport on my way back from Beaumont and I'm just sitting there having lunch waiting to board my plane. I like to people watch to pass the time. Then "he" walked in. He's the person I now know is the one celebrity I'd want to meet. And I left the Smart Zone momentarily!

Here's a hint about who it was...


He was sitting by himself less than 10 feet away and he knew I knew who he was. People who know me know that I love the show Survivor. And within my arm's reach was Jeff Probst, the host of Survivor.

He smiled at me and I couldn't feel my feet. I texted my Director of Patient Services, Tari, and I told her he was right there and I was trying to rack up the nerve to walk over. My kids would just die hearing that I met him. That I was sitting next with him at lunch and that we had conversation. They would just die!

"Go over to him!" and "You will regret it if you don't" Tari texted back. What was stopping me? I was so chicken. "What is the problem?" I asked myself. "I spoke to a room full of people last night and I was just on television this morning and I didn't freak out over that at all. What is my problem?"

I tell people to do hard stuff every day. I say to do what others are unwilling to do. By doing that you build skills for when the really really hard stuff happens.

It has been a hard year this last year with a lot of change for me and a lot of exciting business successes. My kids are growing up and I don't want to miss any of that as I juggle the responsibilities I have professionally and personally. I do hard stuff every day and I find out what I'm made of. I practice what I preach so "Get over there Susan!" So what was my problem? What was stopping me from just walking over there and telling him that I know he values his privacy and I'd like to get a picture if I could. I'd be brief even though I would act like a stalker and stutter and probably accidentally spit when I talked.

I chickened out. I choked. The mental theater in my head stopped me from walking over there. My flight was going to leave and I had to make a move or miss it. I missed it. I regret it. I'm a doofus. I do the hard stuff like I tell others to do but I wasn't ready for this.

So Jeff Probst from Survivor. ....Next time. I'll be ready.

How Not to be a Yuckaholic!

Okay. I admit it! I left the Smart Zone recently when I just lost it with the phone company. I was featured in a story on the 10:00 pm news in Dallas about the AD/HD test I offer in my clinical practice. The day after I was on TV the phone lines in my office went down for 24 hours. People who saw the news story were calling my office to set up an appointment and all they were getting was a fast busy signal! Those of you who own businesses know how upset I was. It was so bad that I was acting like a Yuckaholic! A Yuckaholic is what we call someone who is stuck in their Yuck and out of the Smart Zone.

Here's a quick question to find out if you might be a Yuckaholic.

If someone gives you a nasty hand gesture in traffic do you think:
a) "People are so rude!"
b) "That person must be having a bad day."

If you guessed "a" then you might be a Yuckaholic. Author Daniel Goleman calls it the "yuck factor." This is the part of your day when your productivity plummets. You start agonizing over the next sales call, an upcoming meeting or a task you need to complete. Procrastination sets in. This hits me when I have reports to complete and when I get home and don't feel like cooking dinner. Just for fun, watch this video of something that can turn you into a Yuckaholic.

Yuckaholics give up control of their day and allow the "yucky" task to take over. You can become a Yuckaholic if you spend more time complaining about the yucky task than actually doing it.

People in the Smart Zone know how to avoid becoming a Yuckaholic. Check out these characteristics of someone in the Smart Zone in charge of their Yuck:

• They are persistent in achieving goals in spite of obstacles and setbacks.
• They feel that they can control situations rather than situations controlling them.
• They are more popular and approachable.
• They are more hopeful for success in daily work.
• They have a minimized fear of failure.
• They are good role models and set an optimistic tone in the workplace and at home.
• They live longer, healthier lives.
• They smile all day and dance around in a cute leotard. (Only kidding, just wanted to make sure you were paying attention).

According to Martin E.P. Seligman's book, Learned Optimism, if you are in one of these fields then an optimistic lifestyle is a must:

• Sales
• Brokering
• Public Relations
• Speaking and Acting
• Fundraising
• Creative Jobs
• Highly Competitive Jobs
• High-Burnout Jobs

There is an argument to be made that Yuckaholics have their place in corporate America. Research supports the fact that pessimists have a more accurate take on some situations than optimists because optimists believe they have more control over things than they actually do. If you are an Accountant, Safety Engineer, Contract Negotiator or Technical Writer it actually helps to be a little pessimistic.

However, optimism is simply more useful in relationships and life in general. One example of what causes many people to become Yuckaholics is meeting with a difficult manager/client/employee. Here are 4 Smart Moves for decreasing your chances of being a Yuckaholic and being more optimistic in that kind of situation:

• Argue with yourself. Before every "yuck factor" in your day there is a way to fight it with an attitude you can change or a skill you can acquire. Take control of the situation by arguing that you are in control of the "yuck."


• Could you be imagining things? It is your belief about your manager that matters more than the actual meeting itself. The best way to dispute a negative belief is to prove that it is false. Take a quick reality check. Does your manager really want to yell at you? Does he really dislike you?


• Consider other causes. Most events in the world have more than one cause. Yuckaholics narrow in on one bad cause. In this case: "I don't like to meet with my manager because my manager hates me." Optimists realize there are other causes like, "this organization puts too much stress on people in management" or "I really know what I'm talking about and my manager isn't as involved in the daily operations and so he doesn't have all of the information."


• Accept the truth. So what if you are right? Your manager does hate your guts. Is it the end of the world? Just because a meeting doesn't go well doesn't mean life is over. See it as an opportunity to shine by improving next time. Employees who overcome a setback show their value even more to their managers and grow personally from the experience.

How to Bullyproof Your Children

A few months ago I blogged about Workplace Bullying and shared tips for how to address bullying on the job.  With local schools starting back up last week, FOX 4 asked me to do a segment on what to do if your child is being bullied. Click here to watch the segment.


The 3 main points I want to stress are:

1. If your child is being bullied it's not his fault. Don’t say, “What did you do to aggravate the other child?”
2. 88% of teens are silent witnesses of bullying and don’t stand up for their friends who are being bullied. Teach your children that as bystanders they play a critical role in stopping the bully's behavior. The child being bullied is not likely to tell someone because he is embarrassed or afraid of retaliation.
3. Teach your kids the difference between "tattling" and "reporting." Many times parents or teachers may say, “Don’t be a tattle-tale. If so-in-so is being bullied then he should tell me.” When you tattle on someone you are trying to get someone IN TROUBLE. When you report something you are trying to get someone OUT OF TROUBLE.

5 Ways to Solve Problems at Work

Someone stole my cab! Here's the story: A few weeks ago I was in San Antonio speaking at a dinner meeting and was booked for a FOX TV segment the following morning early at 7:00 am. Not only was it morning rush hour but it was raining and I planned on taking a cab. I called for a taxi from my hotel room and when I got down to the hotel lobby someone rushed past me and stole my cab! Okay so I freaked out a bit (or like I tell you, I had an "exaggerated response"). I called another cab and luckily got a driver who took me the back roads to the TV station.

In our personal lives we are often used to solving problems on our own - or we can solve them easily with an informal network. But at work, problem solving often requires collaboration. A Japanese proverb states, "None of us are as smart as all of us." People in the Smart Zone embrace the fact that a work team has the capability to solve problems and be as smart as all of us.

Problems in the work place come in all shapes and sizes. There is no magic formula for solving every problem we encounter. Adapting our problem solving process to fit the problem at hand requires both cognitive and emotional skills. Here are 5 tips for problem solving in the Smart Zone:

1. A Point on Perception. Is there really a problem and if so, is it solvable? For example, if your problem is that the sky is blue, then you will need to rethink the problem. Jochen Zeitz who is CEO of the shoemaker Puma says, "Design usually starts with 'There is no way' and then we say, 'Okay, how can we make this work?'"



2. Define the Problem in a One-Sentence Statement. This sounds easy but is really quite difficult. By having a well-defined problem it makes the solved state more measurable. Charles Kettering, co-holder of more than 140 patents and inventor of such things as the spark plug, leaded gasoline and Freon for refrigerators and air conditioners, once said, "A problem well stated is a problem half solved."



3. Focus on the Solved State. Ask yourself and your team these questions:
   a. How will we know when the problem has been solved?
   b. What does the solved state look and feel like?
   c. What is tangible evidence that the problem is solved?
   Click here for an article I wrote recently about problem solving between a staff and board of directors.



4. Use a System That Works for Your Group. There are several problem solving techniques such as brainstorming, root cause analysis, the drill down technique, etc. The appreciation technique is a powerful way to extract the maximum amount of information from a fact. First you start with a fact and then ask the question, "So what?"
   
   Example: Our warehouse does not have the required part in stock.
   So what?
   The part will need to be ordered from a vendor.
   So what?
   It will take more time to get the needed part.
   So what?
   Our customer will need to be notified of the delay.
   So...
   
   In the future, we need a process for the warehouse to order parts in advance so parts will not be out of stock when needed.
   
   While the same conclusion still could have been determined without a formal technique it still provides a framework for extracting information quickly and reliably.



5. Develop an Accountability Plan. Many problem solving sessions end when the solution is determined. But wait! Next, assign specific action items to people with a time frame for completion. Design a way to hold those responsible for the solution accountable for the results.

Just for fun, watch this video from the show Modern Family on how Cameron and Mitchell collaborated on solving a problem. Modern Family makes me laugh and I thought you just might too.

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