What to Give a Child who has Everything

It's the time of year when many are struggling to make ends meet and trying to figure out how to afford holiday gifts.

However, every year in my private practice someone asks me, "What do I get for a child who has everything?" And I've had the same question myself when buying for friends and family.

Here are my recommendations:

For kids under 12, what they can never get enough of is your attention and time. Go fishing over the holidays if he likes to fish. Make a coupon book for monthly activities you can do together throughout the year.

For kids over 12, they don’t ever think they have everything so it is a little different. Have an honest conversation that you want to be intentional in your gift giving this year. Tell him or her that you would like to give something meaningful with the limitations you have this year. In the conversation, ask what would be meaningful. You might be surprised when you hear what they come up with. It will involve a little creativity but you may be able to give the best gift of all that involves very little money, just because you asked.

How to Be a Good Place to Work

With the current economy and job layoffs it is critical that every individual provide the most value in your organization.

Here are some Smart Moves for how to be a good place to work:

• First impressions count. When your department has a new employee starting on Monday, designate a co-worker to call the new hire over the weekend and introduce himself. Say something like this, "Hi, this is Mike and I will be working in your department. We are looking forward to you starting work here tomorrow. I'll be at the office at 8:00 to meet you and will show you around. Also, a couple of us would like to take you to lunch on Monday, so don't worry with bringing your lunch." This will help a new employee get engaged quicker and show them that they matter. Use this checklist for welcoming a new employee.
  
  
• Blab away. According to Zig Ziglar, one of the prime needs of employees is "being let in on things that are going on in the company." After all, we all want to feel part of the "in" crowd. You don't need to share company private information with employees - but make it a practice to share and involve employees in specific short and long term goals, the direction of the company, innovative ideas in the works and a few tidbits that you ask employees to them to keep to themselves. Use these words to be more productive.
  
  
  
  
• Catch people doing something well. Many times when employees are doing something well it goes unnoticed because we assume they are just doing their job. Go out of your way today to reward a co-worker or employee for doing something right (watch retention expert James Robbins' short video on this topic). Compliment them, buy them a cup of coffee, recognize them at a staff meeting or even jot them a handwritten note acknowledging what you caught them doing well.
  
  
• Be thankful for problems. In light of Thanksgiving last week, give thanks when employees bring you their problems. General Colin Powell is quoted as saying, "The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership." Working collaboratively to solve a problem with a co-worker or employee improves company loyalty and work ownership.
  
  
• Reward loyalty. Donald Trump says, "When employees and employers, even coworkers, have a commitment to one another, everyone benefits. I have people who have been in business with me for decades. I reward their loyalty to the organization and to me. I know that they'll always be dedicated to what we're trying to accomplish."
  
  
• Delegate don't dump. Know the difference between empowering an employee by delegating responsibility to this person versus dumping additional, unwanted work on him. Delegating to an employee means you extend to the person the authority to make decisions about a task and this task helps the receiver grow.
  
  
  
  
  
  

A Secret Worth Knowing - Shhhhhhh!

My Director of Client Relations, Zan, jokes that the fastest way to spread news during the time she worked for a Fortune 30 Company was to tell 1 person a secret and ask them not to tell anyone. Within 2 days she knew the entire sales and field work force would know the "secret" information. As a psychologist I hear secrets and private information daily. Many times when I'm told a secret it's the first time that person has revealed it to anyone.

Knowing how to use secrets in a productive manner will empower you to Stay in the Smart Zone.


I was intrigued when I recently saw Frank Warren, author of 5 books reporting the secrets of others, on the Today Show. For several years people have posted their secrets on his website or mailed in their secrets to him on a postcard. In this Today Show interview he said, "I think that in my own life, I was struggling with secrets from my childhood. And so in one sense, this was a way for me to reconcile with parts of my past that I'd been struggling with." He also went on to say that the act of writing down one's secrets can be a freeing experience.

The notion of secrets is a component of our society. Secrets can be serious and harmful and I DO NOT take this subject lightly. Secrets about abuse, addiction, neglect and dishonesty can define people and their outlook on the world.

Use these Smart Moves when you have a secret:

• Secrets can bring happiness. Think of a surprise party your friends are planning or a gift someone is about to receive. Maybe a friend is expecting a baby and waiting for the right moment to tell the news. Most people would agree, these are secrets you should keep. Click here to read about business secrets worth keeping.


• Secrets give you perceived power over someone else. "I know something you don't know - nana nana boo boo." This may sound like elementary school but grown ups do this, too. Think about it. Even at work knowing secrets can give you an edge over your coworkers or competitors. This type of power can be dangerous and even illegal. Proceed with caution.


• Secrets give you Brownie points. Telling secrets can elevate your status with other friends. Think about how you feel when someone reveals a secret to you. Letting others in on your secret gives them a stronger connection with you and vise versa.


• Secrets can cause anxiety. Keeping secrets often prevents people from dealing with the problem at hand. According to Timothy Cole, Ph.D. keeping secrets leads to increased stress, anxiety, and it often makes people think about the issue more frequently. He also says, "Revealing secrets is very helpful when it is done right; that is, in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Revealing secrets can reduce stress, it helps people let go of an issue and think about it more clearly."


• Confidence in your confidant. We tell secrets because we trust others not to reveal them. Remember Deep Throat in the Watergate scandal? In reality, people are pretty likely to tell your secret - even if it's just to their spouse or best friend. It's human nature. Have confidence in the person you confide to.


• Know the Smart Zone Secret. If you have attended my presentations you know that I end all of them with the Smart Zone Secret which is to take the focus off yourself. Watch this video of me revealing the Smart Zone Secret. Now that is a secret worth telling!
  

SUCCESS Magazine Article, "How to Get More Done"

When Sandra Bienkowski, Editor for SUCCESS Magazine, called me a few weeks ago and asked me how to get more done while keeping stress in check I was excited to share my tips with her.

Click here to read my tips in her article in the upcoming November issue.

I enjoy reading SUCCESS Magazine because it is full of the kind of information that High Achievers want to know. The articles always provide a unique window into the lives, practices and philosophies of today’s greatest achievers—top CEOs, revolutionary entrepreneurs and other extraordinary leaders. One article I really enjoyed recently was about Craig Newmark - the Craig of Craigslist.org. Craig's business model is that they can do good in business by doing good for people. He is definitely in the Smart Zone!

Go out and grab the November issue of SUCCESS Magazine if you have a chance!

Do You Know Someone in the Smart Zone?

When I speak at conferences all over the country about working in the Smart Zone many times people tell me stories after my presentations about people they know who are in the Smart Zone. These stories are so inspiring that I often wish I could have shared them with the whole audience.

So now I want to hear from you! I want to share your stories about people you know who are in the Smart Zone. Do you know anyone in your organization who is in the Smart Zone? If so, email us with your story.

Watch this video below to learn more.

From now on we are calling people in the Smart Zone "Zonies."

What is the Smart Zone? The Smart Zone is where you work to the best of your ability emotionally, behaviorally and intellectually. Watch this TV appearance where I talk about working in the Smart Zone.

What is a Zonie? People in the Smart Zone have emotional intelligence, self awareness, create an environment of trust and are highly productive.

Clients and coworkers trust people in the Smart Zone because Zonies can admit their own mistakes and confront unethical actions in others, successfully meet commitments, keep promises and show personal accountability and reliability.

Here are a few more characteristics of Zonies:

• Zonies are solution-oriented. They ask "How" and "What" questions instead of "Why" questions.


• Zonies look at the brighter side of life and maintain a positive attitude, even in the face of adversity.


• Zonies use interpersonal skills to improve relationships and are aware of the feelings of others. Zonies show empathy and social responsibility.


• Zonies are likeable and manage stress in a productive manner.


• Zonies know the Smart Zone Secret which is to take the focus off yourself. Zonies put the needs of others first, volunteer in the community and add value to others through humble acts of kindness.

Please email us with your stories of Zonies in your workplace. We want to share your stories with the Smart Zone community!

More is the Same than is Different

I recently read the book Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards. I am on a hiatus from business books and those in the psychology section of Barnes & Noble. My brain wants to be inspired and educated. I picked this book up because I have seen her interviewed a number of times and am so impressed with how she views her life. Here she is dying of cancer, she has young children, she is an advocate for health care issues and...she has been faced with her husband's very public infidelity. If there is anyone that can teach us a few things about resilience, it is Elizabeth Edwards.

So this got me thinking - when I am working with an executive, a patient, or even a friend and I am trying to help them understand the idea of resilience, I tend to say out loud, "More is the same than is different" no matter what it is he or she is dealing with. By focusing on the parts of your life that are the same, you can find your own strategies and tools for resilience.

Resilience is an important concept in companies with new hires, during training, when significant changes occur in the workplace, or when times are toughest. With performance appraisals you can spend one hour telling someone what a great job they are doing and when the meeting is over all the person remembers are the bad things they need to work on. We filter out the positive and hold on to the negative. Using the strategies of resilience, you can remove that filter to internalize a more balanced view of the feedback.

Here are some case scenarios where I believe it is important to look at "more is the same than is different."

• Job Loss: We are not defined by our careers. In my opinion we are defined by our character and how we interact with the world. If you know someone who has lost a job, tell them, "More is the same than is different." They are still loved by their family, they are still full of potential and they have talents that are marketable. A report from Harvard even says that 73% of middle managers say their jobs haven't changed. What do you think?


• Divorce: No one wants to get divorced but when it happens, it should be because all other options have been exhausted. Hollywood especially has had some nasty divorces over the years. People have to earn a divorce, I believe, in order to get one. Because getting one is not easy. More is the same than is different. With a divorce, you still have people counting on you, you still have people you count on, you still have to manage your money, and you still are capable of love and being loved.


• Financial Struggles: I have a friend, Don Neubaum, who is a professor at Oregon State. He teaches in the business school and he and I went to high school together. I LOVE Don. It is okay because his wife Sandy knows it. In our conversations about the state of the economy and financial struggles that are occurring in businesses and in families, he believes that we should all learn from these lean years. Shame on us if we get fat financially when some of the struggles start to lessen. More is the same than is different. We all have to tighten our belts, do some serious soul searching on how we spend money, and be incredibly deliberate about our spending habits. No matter what the economic condition is, we have to be resilient and recognize that we manage money instead of money managing us.


• Health: There has been a lot of research that there is healing power in the way we think. We can produce the good juices in our body that can build our immune systems. Yes, there is a limit. Yes, it is important to get the best health care possible, and yes it is important to remember that "more is the same than is different." With every health crisis, we are all still involved in our lives. We can become educated and we can live our lives with quality.

More is the same than is different.

How to Leave Stress at the Office

I find it hard to leave stress at the office. Sometimes it's because I can identify with issues my patients are experiencing and empathize so much with their struggles. Recently I've been stressed over the fact that my great administrative assistant, Kathy, is moving with her family to Nashville. I know I can overcome how stressed I feel because I know: when we bring stress home we tell our friends and family that their time isn't as valuable.

M. Scott Peck said, "Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." I challenge you (and myself!) to value your time at work and at home and to stay in the Smart Zone.



One thing I hear when working with managers and executives who work long hours is that, at the end of the day, it is difficult to shake the feeling of being at work. Even when they get home they don't feel "at home." They feel disconnected and preoccupied with what took place during the workday or are anticipating the problems of the next day.

Part of the issue is that the intensity during our workday is different than the intensity of our home lives. Although our home and work life both take considerable mental and physical energy we still have to shift gears when we walk in the door at home.

In my business we provide strategies to stay in the Smart Zone that will improve productivity at home and work. But don't do this! Here are Smart Moves for leaving stress at the office:

• Do you leave work and then use that same part of your brain at home? When I work on my financials at the office and then come home and work on bills, my brain is going to get overwhelmed. I've recently started taking serious Yoga classes near my home so I can balance how I use my body and my brain. As my instructor Carlos says, "Bring peace and calm into your world."


• Are you finally energized by 3:00 in the afternoon? Eat a late afternoon snack that is high in carbs but low in fat and protein - like a granola bar, fresh fruit or a bagel. This type of snack jump-starts the amino acid in the brain that promotes a relaxation response.


• Do you immerse yourself in work related content 24/7? What is by your bedside? Business books, financials, proposals? I have taken a sabbatical from business books to read bestsellers so I am exposing myself to more than just business and psychological literature. Right now, want to know what is by my bedside? The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb. All 723 pages. I will be sorry when I finish it because it is such a great book.


• Set aside 10 minutes after lunch to return personal phone calls. This will eliminate your need to talk on your cell phone on the drive home at the end of the day. Instead you can listen to good music or an audio book. Click here for ways to maximize your lunch break.


• Carve out transition time. Devote the final hours of your workday to some of your least-pressured tasks. I like listening to music on Grooveshark and doing paperwork. Thanks to my buddy Rex, I've now got speakers mounted on the inside of my desk so I can really enjoy my end of the day paperwork. You will feel a sense of accomplishment by completing at least one thing before day end.


• Don't talk about work when you first get home. When you walk in the door at home resist the urge to immediately start talking about your day. Cooper and Sawaf, authors of Executive EQ, call this a "transitional buffer zone." This is time to renew your spirit of being home. Don't run to your computer to return emails. You might first greet your family, get your children a snack and change into some comfy clothes.