Phoenix is in the Smart Zone!

I loved visiting the set of Sonoran Living Live on ABC 15 in Phoenix this morning. The show hosts had a great sense of humor and one even mentioned how she was out of the Smart Zone at the very end of the segment.  (It's happened to me, too).

Orlando is Working in the Smart Zone

I'm so glad to be in my home state of Florida today! Thank you, FOX Good Day Show in Orlando, for inviting me to be on your show today!!

Working in the Smart Zone: MyFoxORLANDO.com

The Difference Between Discipline & Punishment- What the Angry Dad Shooting the Laptop Has Confused

I had no idea the controversy that would get stirred up when I was asked to comment on a FOX 4 evening news story last week. You may have seen this coverage on TV or on my blog about an angry dad who shot holes (with a gun) in his daughter's laptop because of her Facebook comments. Watch the story and hear what I said about it (warning, it is disturbing to some people but no one gets hurt).

The angry dad in North Carolina actually saw the story and emailed direct responses to the station for each of my comments.

FOX 4 had so much response to the story that they invited me back the very next day to address the dad's comments.  In this interview, I discussed the difference between discipline and punishment.  This dad was more concerned with punishment than discipline.

Discipline comes from the word "disciple" which means "student/teacher." We can all agree that it's a parent's job to teach and view their child's misbehavior as an opportunity. Punishment, on the other hand, imposes power from the outside to make a child "pay" for his wrongdoing.

Punishment is about power. Discipline is about creating an environment for a child to learn how to make it right. This is a topic I discuss in detail in my first book, Parenting in the Smart Zone.

Here's a quick reference.

Punishment:
• Is adult-oriented
• Requires judgment
• Imposes power from the outside
• Invites more conflict
• Concentrates on the child "paying" for the mistake
• Focuses on restricting the child
• Focuses on external control
• Parents work harder than the child

Discipline:
• Shows child what they have done wrong
• Gives child ownership of the problem
• Leaves child's dignity intact
• Uses logical and realistic consequences
• Teaches the benefit of making good decisions
• Focuses on developing internal control
• Redirects child toward success
• Role-models good parenting skills
• Teaches a life lesson
• Child works harder than the parent

It's important that consequences fit the crime. In the case of the angry dad, I would have preferred that he make his daughter give the laptop away to a child who could use it instead of him destroying it. What we also know from the coverage is that he warned his daughter before, that if she misused Facebook again, "he would put a bullet through her laptop." Yes, if you threaten/promise that you are going to do something as a consequence, then you better do it or else your kids will think you are just blowing wind and the problems continue. But, I'm thinking there are other consequences he could have threatened/promised initially. Do you agree?

And yes, I bet his daughter NEVER questions him in the future because he followed through and put bullets through her computer. She knows he means business. But the bullet was too easy and a bit over the top and "tough love" can be accomplished by using discipline rather than shooting something with a 45mm. (By the way, I do shoot and the gun didn't scare me. It is his angry tone and how he used it at the end that made me question it.)

That said, I believe his daughter got the point and I was glad to hear that he and his daughter have discussed the issue as a family. As long as they are okay as a family and have moved on, then that is what matters. As you can see from his response to me, this dad is a likeable guy who wants his daughter to make better choices. They are closer as a family because of this and have enjoyed seeing all the comments. Yet they are admittedly a bit overwhelmed by it. Wouldn't you be?

What do you think about this? Feel free to comment on this blog or on my Facebook page. This is a good discussion as long as we are all respectful, even if we don't agree. That will keep us in the Smart Zone.

Response to Angry Dad Shooting Daughter's Laptop

If you saw my appearance on FOX 4 last week you know that the story about the angry dad shooting holes in his daughter's laptop because of comments she made on Facebook created some controversy.

The angry dad in North Carolina actually saw the story and emailed direct responses to the station for each of my comments. FOX 4 was so excited and invited me back the very next day to address the dad’s comments. Here’s what I said (even though the microphone inconveniently unclipped and slipped down inside my clothes for the camera man to later recover while I was off camera):

The need to float at The Float Spot

This past week has been an unusual week.  With the chatter related to the FOX 4 story (see my previous post) and the passing of Whitney Houston, I can't help but put things in perspective.  I know I believe in parents needing to follow through with what they threaten for discipline.  I know that I'm excited to get my concealed handgun license in the next month (there have been rumors than I am anti-gun).  I know that the microphone was attached when we started the live interview Friday night on FOX 4 (It quickly feel down my shirt and had to be reattached by 3 people when I was off camera).  Crazy week.

So how would I end the week to follow my own advice to empty my bucket before it gets full?  I went to a place called The Float Spot, http://www.thefloatspot.com/.  I got in a tank and had an hour to float.  It was perfect to clear my head.  It felt like I got a good night's rest.  I'm going to do it again.

With a week like last week, I needed to float....if only to get an hour without chatter.

Angry Dad Shoots Daughter's Laptop - He's Definitely Not in the Smart Zone!

"A video of a North Carolina father destroying his daughter’s laptop has gone viral. The angry parent said he wanted to set an example of tough love after discovering his daughter’s disrespectful Facebook post," according to Tracy DeLatte of FOX 4 News. FOX 4 asked me to comment on it during tonight's 9:00 news. Here's a link to the full story. How do you feel about this?

Please feel free to post a comment on my Facebook page.

Video: Angry Dad Shoots Daughter’s Laptop: MyFoxDFW.com